17 Already

Peter turned 17 this week. This amazes me.........I can't believe that I have a seventeen year old. I look back to the day he was born and remember looking at him thinking his whole life was ahead of him.......he can be anything. Now at 17 I look at him trying to decide what he wants to do with his life. He is looking at taking a class that would allow him to graduate early. Thoughts of military, fire academy, a trade in auto mechanics............While he has his whole life still ahead of him, he is also facing adulthood...... leaving behind the easy careless days. Me suffering the idea of facing an empty nest? No........ just worrying about letting a fledgling fly...... adulthood is the real test of failure or success. This is where life really tests our strength and weaknesses and I can't help worrying............we only want the best for our children and I guess we can only hope we have taught them right.

Why Do We Wait?

I have a friend, who's marriage has been in turmoil for quite a while now. 6 to 7 months ago I would of told her to dump the husband and make herself happy. Today it would be different. Why you may ask..... because I have learned something, or at least gotten a better understanding of something. That, being forgiveness.
Why is it that when a person we love passes, we can forgive them for everything? I started to think back to the people I have lost in my life, some acquaintances, some friends, and a personal hero. When they passed on, the petty arguments and fights passed with them. They were forgotten. Things like harsh words, lies, indiscretions, deception and aggravating traits no longer mattered. The pettiness was gone and the only thing I could remember were the fond memories, and the things that were good. I would guess then, that once these unpleasantries are stripped away, it is our true feelings that are felt.
If this is the case................maybe we need to learn forgiveness before death. If we can forgive those that have gone on, then why can't we learn to forgive the living? It seems we need to learn to dig beneath the years of dirt and look at what we had in the beginning. Sometimes we slip, and sometimes we falter.......... wouldn't it be nice to know that those mistakes could be worked through and then maybe we could learn from both the mistake and the kindness of being forgiven.

No Life.

This week I was asked to work over time and if I would mind putting in more in the next few weeks. My response was sure....I have no life, and as those words flowed from my lips I had flashbacks of the last few weeks and realized just how true that statement is. My life consists of nothing more than 2 jobs and picking up after a teenager. I used to have a life, but with my closest and dearest friend having passed through the pearly gates I realize I have nothing to do. He occupied so much of my time........hockey games, books and coffee at Barnes and Nobles, movies, sunsets on the beach, dinner out, concerts in the park, and home projects, not to mention just sitting on the couch watching TV and have conversations. Christmas vacation made me see just how much my life has changed. Normally it would have been filled with activities, but this year, that vacation time was nothing more than a week of sitting my ass on the couch and staring at the TV. No motivation. So the question is, "What to do?" Part of me says to move on.........meet new people.........call old friends from the past. Part of me is afraid to, afraid to let go of what was. Afraid that if I let go, I will forget........Sometimes I think I am starting to get my act together and then I have long moments of deep sadness...mostly when evening sets in and my brain no longer has to work a million issues at one time. So the inner conflict continues......... I know at some point I have to step out of my surroundings into the bigger picture.........but it sure looks scary from where I am.