I took my ass out to be with some adult company....... it was nice after having been so isolated the last week and a half. I met up with George and Fred and Fred's new squeeze and Fred’s mom. We had some B-day cake and proceeded to the ol' watering hole. Had some beverages, attempted to play some pool and had the much needed adult conversation and interaction. It was also nice hanging with Da Boys again. Something I haven't done in a while and greatly missed. I feel I have somewhat neglected these two long time friends in turn for another improvement in my life but need to learn how to mesh these two parts of my life together or to set aside some time for friends who have been with me through thick and thin. Loyalty is everything.
And speaking of the improvement in my life....
What a great weekend I had. Having been stressed all week over not having a job, it was great being preoccupied, so that not once, did I have an anxiety attack. BC had been traveling all week and so being the travel weary puppy that he was; we spent Saturday, Sunday and Monday, watching movies, vegging on the couch and cooking meals together. Such an enjoyable relaxing weekend.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
Jobless
So here I sit a week into unemployment. It sucks. But I am trying to weigh which is worse, unemployment or the job I currently had. I am leaning towards my recent employment. After three days of hunting the web and newspapers and 45 resumes later I finally broke down and had the pity party I had been denying myself. I got shit faced and cried. The next day I awoke with a slight hangover and realized I had been in the same clothes for 4 days and hadn't showered. Ya, I know...ew, ew, ew. What I realize now was I should have just let myself wallow in self pity the first day and things might not have gotten so bad.
Well I had 2 over the phone interviews that were paying way to low. It would have taken 2 jobs to pay the bills. I had one face to face interview with round 2 tomorrow, and a job prospect elsewhere....maybe. Now if I can just get the anxiety attacks to stop............... I didn't have a single one over the weekend............... must be that I was being pre-occupied by someone :) *Sigh* Maybe this week will bring something better. I was told to try and enjoy some of my free time. Maybe this week I will................
Well I had 2 over the phone interviews that were paying way to low. It would have taken 2 jobs to pay the bills. I had one face to face interview with round 2 tomorrow, and a job prospect elsewhere....maybe. Now if I can just get the anxiety attacks to stop............... I didn't have a single one over the weekend............... must be that I was being pre-occupied by someone :) *Sigh* Maybe this week will bring something better. I was told to try and enjoy some of my free time. Maybe this week I will................
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Nit Picking - Its all in jest
Aoccdrnig to rseerach at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
PS: Hwo'd yuo lkie to run tihs by yuor sepll ckehcer?
I find this whole line of study quite interesting since spell checker in blogger is not that great and I have a certain reader who always wants to point out my misspelled words.
So now I say……..HA!
If you can’t read what I write because its misspelled then you might want to have talk with those Canadian teachers who didn’t learn ya right. :)
What do ya say ta that eh???
PS: Hwo'd yuo lkie to run tihs by yuor sepll ckehcer?
I find this whole line of study quite interesting since spell checker in blogger is not that great and I have a certain reader who always wants to point out my misspelled words.
So now I say……..HA!
If you can’t read what I write because its misspelled then you might want to have talk with those Canadian teachers who didn’t learn ya right. :)
What do ya say ta that eh???
Monday, May 15, 2006
Major Monday Blahs
I hate Mondays......... mostly cause I have been having these really great weekends and then I have to go back to a job I hate. It really sucks spending 45+ hours a week someplace you hate. But today was even more depressing because today would have been Petes birthday........ one of those things that comes back to jab at you and remind you. And I hear those words bouncing off the walls that everyone saying to me........ your moving on with your life so look to the future and not the past, but I look at it this way......... I only have the past to look at to remember him. Its not that I don't want to move forward with my life, its that I don't want to forget this wonderful person. I want to remember his face, his voice, his infectous laugh, and the giving person that he was. We can move forward in our life.....but there are always parts of our heart that get left behind with those that we loved deeply. These are the pains that don't ever go away....... and maybe..... they are what tell us to love and live more fully.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Mortality Reminder
I thought several times these last few days why this lesson is repeated on me. I understand it very well. Maybe I am just meant to emphasize it to everyone else. Two things happened this week............
I went to a funeral
and
Pop had a heart attack and had triple by-pass.
Skip was diagnoised with cancer 3 months ago. It ravaged him quickly and we laid him to rest today. I looked at Mrs G and saw myself 20 months ago. During the service I cried for my loss as well as hers. Wounds may heal but the scars serve as reminders and at times leave us vulnerable like achy joints on rainy days.
Pop had his surgery last night. I went in to see him even tho I knew he would not know I had been there. I wanted to touch his hand and whisper in his ear that I loved him.
So many tubes...... so manny fluids.......... so many machines......... life is so fragile
He looks better today...... sans tubes
So with all of this fresh in my head I again tell everyone..... mend your fences..... and tell your friends and family that you love them...... don't put it off, tomorrow could be too late
A reminder from my lesson
I went to a funeral
and
Pop had a heart attack and had triple by-pass.
Skip was diagnoised with cancer 3 months ago. It ravaged him quickly and we laid him to rest today. I looked at Mrs G and saw myself 20 months ago. During the service I cried for my loss as well as hers. Wounds may heal but the scars serve as reminders and at times leave us vulnerable like achy joints on rainy days.
Pop had his surgery last night. I went in to see him even tho I knew he would not know I had been there. I wanted to touch his hand and whisper in his ear that I loved him.
So many tubes...... so manny fluids.......... so many machines......... life is so fragile
He looks better today...... sans tubes
So with all of this fresh in my head I again tell everyone..... mend your fences..... and tell your friends and family that you love them...... don't put it off, tomorrow could be too late
A reminder from my lesson
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Aging Rock Stars
So this past weekend BC and I went to Coachman Park in Clearwater to see some old bands and musicians. I was hoping to be there early( 2is) cause I wanted to see John Ford Coley and Terry Sylvester of The Hollies, but someone, eh hem, had to get some work in on a Saturday, but I mostly wanted to see Lou Gramm, lead singer from Foreigner. Poco was also playing and a band called PinMonkey, which turned out to be country-western. When we got there Pin Monkey was already playing and wasn't too bad but never hearing of them I didn't know any of their music. Poco was on next and they were great! By 8PM it was time for Lou Gramm and the audience was really stoked. We were all dying to hear the old Foreigner hits. So Lou Gramm was announced and everyone went crazy. He came out singing and I looked at BC with a scrunched up face.......is this a joke? BC was laughing. This couldn't be! The man on stage was only half way through Double Vision and he was huffing and puffing and what was worse, he was warbling! The music was playing Double Vision, but the words were almost inaudible and off key!My mouth was agape. I was hoping that I was just hearing wrong or that any moment the REAL Lou Gramm would come out. 4 songs later and the man on stage was so outta breath he could bearly talk. The next song was I've Been Waiting, when he started into one of my all time favorite songs and couldn't stay on key, I just couldn't take anymore. I looked at BC and asked if we could leave.......I think he was still too busy laughing and rolling on the ground.
So I have pondered this for a few days now and can still only say to myself, "How sad!" Here was a man who had an incredable voice and was trying to live off that reputation and those old glory days. It seems that he had some major health issues back in 97 or so. He was diagnoised with a brain tumor. He had surgery , and although the tumour was benign, it resulted in radiation therapy and a year of rehabilitation. So I imagine that somewhere this took a toll on the voice, but has he not realized that he no longer carries the wonderful voice that rocked so mant people years ago? Has no one told him? Does no one care that he is up in front of people making a sad pathetic soul of himself? Why would the public accept this? Do we applaude and cheer because of what he once was? Personally I find it sad when we have to live in the past to feel good about ourselves today. Life is ever changing and we need to learn to go with the flow. Deal with what has been put in your path and move on.
So I have pondered this for a few days now and can still only say to myself, "How sad!" Here was a man who had an incredable voice and was trying to live off that reputation and those old glory days. It seems that he had some major health issues back in 97 or so. He was diagnoised with a brain tumor. He had surgery , and although the tumour was benign, it resulted in radiation therapy and a year of rehabilitation. So I imagine that somewhere this took a toll on the voice, but has he not realized that he no longer carries the wonderful voice that rocked so mant people years ago? Has no one told him? Does no one care that he is up in front of people making a sad pathetic soul of himself? Why would the public accept this? Do we applaude and cheer because of what he once was? Personally I find it sad when we have to live in the past to feel good about ourselves today. Life is ever changing and we need to learn to go with the flow. Deal with what has been put in your path and move on.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Nothing Like Kids to Bring You Down
My son's car needs to be fixed. He wants to spend 3K on a new engine. I told him to go see what he can get for a non collateral loan if I cosign. (I want him to establish some credit) He proceeds to whine that he doesn't want just to fix the car. He is tired of his friends getting everything and he gets nothing.
Earn it I say....save money.....
It only falls on deaf ears. He proceeds to whine about the fact he has so little compared to his friends. He wants me to get a better job.
I remind him he I 18.
Again...He says....I am tired of having nothing....... Its a shame he doesn't remember the days after I left an abusive marriage and snuck out with the truck, clothes, half his toys, 3 pieces of furniture and our lives.
I look around and I see a house that I have provided..... food in the fridge......clothes on his back....... a computer....a tv in his room...... a stereo in his room..... and a car that works most of the time.
I look around and I see a load of wealth.....
He sees nothing.
It breaks my heart.
Earn it I say....save money.....
It only falls on deaf ears. He proceeds to whine about the fact he has so little compared to his friends. He wants me to get a better job.
I remind him he I 18.
Again...He says....I am tired of having nothing....... Its a shame he doesn't remember the days after I left an abusive marriage and snuck out with the truck, clothes, half his toys, 3 pieces of furniture and our lives.
I look around and I see a house that I have provided..... food in the fridge......clothes on his back....... a computer....a tv in his room...... a stereo in his room..... and a car that works most of the time.
I look around and I see a load of wealth.....
He sees nothing.
It breaks my heart.
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