Belief and Faith

We grow up being taught that there is a heaven and a hell. We hope that we live a good enough life to go to heaven. We are also taught that we will meet up with those that we love when it is our turn to cross over. If you read books about the after life we find that our loved ones are waiting for us on the other side to show us the way. John Edwards talks to those that have passed. I was raised with these beliefs and never questioned that it was any other way. I have lost friends and relatives and often have found myself talking to one or the other at times. So why do I now question these beliefs? Is it because someone, so close to me, has passed on? Or is it that I am not doubting what I was taught, but that I want them to hold true more than ever?
And on another note, when we go to heaven....do we go looking like we are at the time of our death, or do we get to choose to be our younger selves. Could it be that we are simply that whispy spirit but we can recognize others just from their prescence?

Coming Together

I was thinking back on how meeting Pete, lead me to meeting other people. It seems that when a new person comes in to our lives they bring along others that we don't think about....friends and associated in tow, if you will. Often these relationships are short lived and these folks eventually disappear out of our lives . I met several through Pete whom over the years I have talked to on numerous occasions, often to gang up on him and endlessly tease him.It was only through his funeral that I finally met them face to face. It was an instant connection and I fell in love with his friends from the past. The gift of gab was natural and it was as if his past had met the present and tied us all together. I hope between the exchanged stories they felt the same. It's as if I now knew his entire life from child hood to adult hood, and I got to know his 2 closest long time friends. He brought us together and in keeping in touch, we keep him alive, and through continuing our relationship he continues to live on. I am sure he is smiling down upon us....... and so it goes.........

Hero

Hero

May 15th 1969 to August 26th 2004

Often times people are lucky enough to meet their soul mate, their other half, their knight in shining armour. I was blessed enough to find my hero. I met him in a time of my life where critical decisions had to be made. It was often his support and words that got me through. I found in him, a rock for strength and a place to rest when weary. He gave my son self esteem and self confidence when he had none. He was always coming to my rescue.......locked out of the car, locked out of the house, a broken AC, electrical work, help with building things and playing chauffer to my son and his friends, always being there for me. He was my hero when he took on the job of firefighter. I was never so proud. And he was my hero when he promised everything would be ok after Hurricane Charley. He was my boyfriend, and formost, my best friend, a best friend as it was truly meant to be. For the time I got to spend with him I am truly grateful, 9 years of knowing him and 8 years of being his girlfriend, sharing our lives, thoughts, and hopes for the future. My life shall truly be a sadder one without him. Watch over me, Pete, and continue to be my hero.

Express

Isn't it funny how you just assume that close friends and family will be around as long as you are? We just think that a child, friend or spouse will be with us while we grow old. In doing this we forget to tell them we love them and care about them. We get into arguments and think nothing of slamming the door as we go off to work or school, with the last words we spoke being harsh. We let small things fester inside us until we are annoyed with each other all the time or we just let relationships fall apart because they are too hard to maintain. Don't let this happen. Turn to the folks you love and care about and let them know. Maintain the friendships that mean so much to you and don't let arguments leave you saying mean things to each other before you part your seperate ways for the day. Thank God my last face to face actions with Pete were good memories. Hurricane Charley had forced me to evacuate, as my home is in a low level area, I stayed at his new home of a month and a half. That friday as I tried to drift off to sleep he held me close and promised me everything would be ok, and that should my house be destroyed, we would salvage what we could and I and my son would move back in with him.....sharing his house this time. Well we got lucky and the storm hit south, so on Sunday he came and helped me take down the boards and clean the house.........when all was over I gave him a big hug and told him I appreciated his help. He gave me a quick kiss and said "anytime, you know that"........................ That was the last face to face........we talked several times on the phone and through IM, but 11 days later he would be gone. While the last time seeing him was good and the words we spoke on the phone and through IM were good. I only wish I had spoken those words.........I love you. We never say this enough to our family and almost would never say it to a close friend, but we need to, because tomorrow comes and tomorrow could briing a tragic loss. So to my dearest friends who have been supporting me these last 2 weeks...thanks........and I love you for being there, and Pete, if you can hear me or read my words....I love you.

Athens

Watching the Olympics is always a favorite of mine, but watching the summer Olympics this summer is impressive, just because of the wonderful sites in the background. I was watching the cycling the other day and occasionally there were glimpses of the Acropolis and the Parthenon. How cool is that! To be competing in the land where the Olympics originated, has got to be awesome. I wonder if the athletes look at those sites and think what an honor it must be to represent their country in the founding land? It would be awe inspiring to me. But then again if I had any talent that had taken me to any Olympics, I would be honored. I often had dreams of being an equestrian rider in the Olympics, but my parents never saw this as a seriously as I did. And so they never encouraged me or backed me and as a result I went no where with it other than personal enjoyment. I guess that is why I try to give my son every opportunity I can in his hockey endeavors, but I always leave the choices to him.

It seems to me that the Olympics should be reserved for those with the real talent, love of the sport, and desire to be good at what they can do. I wish they would go back to having nothing but amateurs. The US basketball team really tees me off. Those guys shouldn't be there. Since when does a person with a criminal past belong there? Criminal pasts of violence and racial riots. These guys are nothing but self-absorbed. Did someone say they want to be paid to play in the Olympics......oh please. I hope they fall flat on their faces, and so far they have. Basics and the love of the sport always prove stronger than showmanship and egos.
Oh well I have slid into a rant and my point was to comment on the awesome background setting of the Olympics and the spirit that goes with it.

Charley

Hurricanes are a pain in the arse, but what worries me is the complacency of people to leave. They have become so accustomed to the storms moving off at last minute to make landfall elsewhere or the storms don't pack the punch to do more than blow around the lawn furniture and some low land flooding. Here was a cat 4 hurricane coming straight for us and while I boarded up my windows, brought in every loose item in my yard, put tie downs on my sheds and prepared heavily, my neighbors did little but bring in the childrens toys. They even told me the were staying. Well my house is only 9 feet above sea level and the EOC was predicting 10 feet storm surge. Do the math. I said a prayer as I left my house, with rugrat, 4 cats, 4 ferrets, and 4 boxes of valuables in tow. We headed in land about 35 miles. We had a mandatory evac and still folks stayed. Fortunately for me and other residence of Tampa Bay, Charley headed inland to the south of us, to the misfortune of Fort Myers and Punta Gorde. So the lackadazical attitude will continue more in this area. I look at the destruction to my neighbors south of me and think..."It could have been me." My house could have been flooded or destroyed and I feel lucky that I was spared. And when the next storm comes, I will do the same, because I value my life, my sons life and my critters life more than I do my home and whats in it. Inconvenience can save your life. I can only hope that my neighbors think the same of their children.

Lost

Do you ever go through periods in your life where you just feel lost? Can't quite make out why. Maybe its all the changes that have gone on lately and I don't feel grounded in any one place. Peter is hardly home since he got freedom by way of car, boyfriend moved out, traveling on business, and upon my return assigned to a new and very unfamiliar job. I watched friends leave work to not return, and my long term, comfortable friend of a car was totaled out and I am learning the quirks of a new vehicle. Not that these changes are bad, well, for the most part aren't bad, but little, seems to lend that feeling of security.

ARRRGH!

When Peter first started playing hockey at the age of 8, I loved to watch him on the ice as he fumbled around to learn the game. It was fun watching the young inexperienced players. They tripped and fell, wobbled on their skates and always had that look of excitment in their eyes. I remeber that it was easy to get him up for a 5AM practice. As soon as I said "Peter , it's time to get up for hockey." he was out of bed faster than anyone could imagine, but try getting him up for school and that was another story. He spent so many hours on public ice practicing his balance, moves, and coordination. As he grew older and progressed with his abilities I was amazed and how being on the ice was so natural and easy for him. I watched him during practice and would marvel at how far he could take an edge. He loves the sport and I love watching him play. When his team is losing I forget about the game and just watch how he skates and how he plays the game. But I am not looking forward to this year.......it seems it has only taken one major jackass to take even the simplest of my pleasures away from this sport. A jackass with an ego, who inflates it by undermining others and talking poorly about them behind their back. A jackass, that makes my kid not want to play hockey, because said jackass announces himself as the coach after promising the position to another. Having been a past VP for a 2 year stint, hockey 101 coordinator, scheduler, and done many othe duties, it saddens me to watch a program I helped build, fall apart due to a person who wears the title of Youth Hockey Director. It was always for the kids and nothing else. He has so drained me over the last year with fights and arguments that I have contemplated getting a second job so I could let Peter play for a another league. But alas, Mr Director is such an idiot that losing his registrar and finance coordinator is not a concern. I really want to go back and enjoy watching the boys play and not have this other crap mar it.
What to do??
Hey bartender pour another one.

Back Home

Well I got home from Tulsa late Wed night......The rest of the stay up there was nothing exciting. Saturday I went out 2 steppin with by co worker. He's a little bit country and as I listen to everything thought it would be fun. He actually took me out on the dance floor and taught me the basic boot scoot. LOL. I was the one steppin all over toes, but I almost had it down. Monday and Tuesday were spent answering questions on the programs we just taught the folks in Tulsa. Wed was spent flying back. Whats really sad is when I arrived back at work on Thursday, Tulsa was calling and asking the same damn questions we answered at least 50 times while we were there. Friday they did the same, and whats worse is Friday was our let go date here in Tampa. Duh you guys better catch on real soon. I could only feel that Barry and I did nothing but waste our time being there in OK. for a week. I guess we were just talking to the vast open plains that make up the area. In regards to work......I was picked up by the migrations dept, so that means employment for maybe another 8 months. What it really means is some serious job hunting before the borrowed time runs out.

Tulsa

Well hidee ho!! Sittin' in Tulsa this fine morning and ya know what.....B-O-R-I-N-G!!! Here on business and trying to get info for the night life out of the locals was near impossible. I flew into Tulsa to help conduct a training class on the programs Intermedia uses, so that MCI folks can take our jobs on Monday. Anyway.......I figured I would try to entertain myself so my coworker and I kept asking everyone where to go for some fun. Finally the director of the department suggested a place called the Voodoo Room. It was located in downtown Tulsa.....now let me tell you, downtown Tulsa ain't got shit. They roll up the sidewalk at 5PM and thats it. The Voodoo romm is located in an area of town that is trying to rejuvinated so it is just a little seedy. But the Voodoo Room was way cool. You pay a $5.00 cover charge and you get access to 3 bars in this one place. One room plays R&R, another is jazz or kareoke and the third is a piano bar with 2 guys that get obnoxious and a bit raunchy at times. But can they play the piano!! So that is where we spent Friday night. People watching, laughing and dancing. While in the piano bar we even made a request of "Take this Job and Shove It" and dedicated it to MCI for our layoff in a week. The piano player obliged us by inserting MCI's name several times. And gee I got whistled at, approched by a drunk that wanted to take me home and a stripper (female) that wanted to get me to come to her club to give me a lap dance. *snicker* but she wanted my male co worker to pay for it. *snicker* We have found some really great places for food. Charlestons had great steaks, Mexico Lindos was some awesome/authentic  Mexican food  and we stopped off at a BBQ place that was pretty damn good as well.
 
MCI has req that we be in attendance at a class today, so we sit here in case questions arise. A little hard to be here after getting in at 4AM. LOL but thanks goodness this group has got a sense of humor. MCI has also req that we put in a 12 hour day on Monday and Tuesday. Yipee!!! How exciting! OK ,OK it is overtime.

Tulsa itself is hot, but no, or little humidity, so it is easy to take. The 105 "feels like" is not that bad. But enough for now. Got a Harley shop to check out and a pool hall to find.

TTFN

Pin in my pocket.

   I deal with people all day long. People of all ages. What is it that makes some people think they are better or more superior than everyone else. Where do their egos come from? Whay suprises me even more is when it is teenagers with the egos. Maybe life hasn't slapped them hard enough to give them a reality check. I hear alot of this talk amoungst the hockey players in the youth organization in which I am involved. I listen to their statements of self importance. "I am the team", "I am not playing unless so-and-so coaches." I hear this in the adults I deal with as well. Over the last few years I have dealt with coaches that just think they will be the next Herb Brooks. At work I deal with a group of techs that think they are the most capable people in the field. Sadly, they are highly lacking in basic knowledge. So what is it that makes them think they are the cats meow? Maybe next time I walk by I should just pull out a pin and pop the swelled up head. Wouldn't that be a riot as all the hot air escapes. Some might even fly about like balloons released in childs play.

Vacation

Well the suposed vacation is over. It wasn't much of a stress free escape from reality trip. But I did manage to squeeze in some fun and enjoyment. Now I am at home dealing with all the clean ups of the disasters. AC is semi fixed. It had a clogged line which in turn caused the coils to ice over and trip the fuse. The platform it had been built on was press board, so as the ice melted the platform started falling apart and the unit started to be in danger of falling 3 feet to the floor. But it is now cleaned out and on a new platform and working, Still need to have an AC tech come out and check it all out. Should have a new vehicle today thanks to Les.......and now just need to make arrangements to get the bird to the vet as he seems really ill and one of the cats seems to have an eye infection. Sheesh....does it never end??

Strike Three??

OK, so before I went on this vacation for some R&R, I let my son take my car out, his wasn't running, to have a last visit with his girlfriend before we left. So what did he do??? Ran a stop light and wrecked the car. Now this is 10:00PM on the night before we are to take the road trip. So.... I get the car towed to the shop and make arrangements for a rental. OK cost of vacation just went up. I take the vacation anyway. Now I,m in VA and have been informed that the car is totaled. YEA!! And I am supposed to be relaxing on this trip. So much for getting away from stress. I just finished consolidating all my bills to make life easier. Now I have to figure out a way to get a new car with out car payments. Oh and that is one that will last.
SO:
Strike One - Job layoff with last day as July 30th
Strike Two - Car wrecked, totaled and no way to make car payments.
Strike Three.............I sure hope it hits soon so I can have a nervous breakdown.

Gatoring

Definition: Gatoring - Taking a small John Deere 6 wheeled tractor, called a Gator, for an adventure in the woods.

Keeping in mind I am still in VA, Peter and I went gatoring today. My dads property is in the middle of nowhere and is located on a vast estate known as Garrets Farm. The Garrets still on the farm, but sold off two parcels of the land on the river front. In order to get back to my dads, you have to drive a private road that cuts through the farm. The farm itself is an old tobacco and hay farm. So anyway, Preston Garret is kind enough to let us roam on his vast property while we are visiting. We took the trial that follows the gas companies pipeline and then cut off onto a side trial. We ventured down the trial that was overgrown due to all they rain they have had here. Often we had to duck trees and thorns from the blackberry bushes that grow wild in this area. It miandered for about three miles and we came to a small creek that runs down from a pond higher up in the hills and feeds down to the James River. It was here we got stuck, Couldn't get the blasted Gator to get back up the hill. Peter and I just looked at each other as my fathers last words "Don't get stuck somewhere and make me have to come pull you out." went through both our heads. I looked at my son and said...1st I am not walking back, I am in shorts and I will no doubt get poison ivy, and 2nd, I am not telling grampy we are stuck." So we set to getting the gator "unstuck" First I pushed while Peter put it into reverse and hit the gas. No luck. So we switched places an tried again. Still no luck. Peter gave me that look of, "we better get grampy." No!" was all that came out of my mouth. We both laughed. I thought about this logically and said to Peter that there is more power in forward than reverse and if we could get it turned around then we could get it in 4 wheel drive as well and probably get back up the hill. We cleared a small area so that we could at least turn the gator around on the hillside. It took us about 5 minutes to get it turned around between all the trees and brush, but we did finally manage. Peter got in and on the count of three I pushed and he hit the gas, Eureka!!! it moaned and groaned its way back up the hill, occasionally sliding back, but getting a grip and heading further up the trail. We were both relieved. This was a high five occasion. We hiked a little in the area and did some exploring. Eventually we decided it was time to get back to the homestead, so we climbed back up the hill to the gator and headed on in. The rest of the drive back was easy. Peter and I giggled and laughed the whole way back. Once we arrived I was greated by my father. " I was wondering where you two were. I thought I was gonna have to come looking for you, because you had probably gotten stuck some where." I just looked at him with a sly smile and said , "What? Come on, we just lost track of time."

The 4th

I am up in VA for a little R&R. Man is it great up up here. Cool days, well at least compared to FL, and low humidity. For the 4th we went to the local park here in Lynchburg to see the fireworks. While they are not the spectacular site that I have become used to being in the bigger cities, they were awesome in their own way. Ya see this area of VA is rich in Civil War history. Every antique store you enter has items that have been found around these hills. Battles and skirmishes were fought all over this area. So when I sat on the hillside, watching the fireworks, I noticed the way they echoed and reverberated on the hillside. It was amazing and I couldn't help but think that this must have been the way a battle sounded. Cannons firing at the enemy. Heard for miles and miles, warning everyone to stay away. I closed my eyes and could see the blue and gray soldiers fighting in the woods and the larger battle going on in an open field nearby. I could almost hear the voices. Officers shouting orders, horses whinnying, soldiers screaming in pain as they were wounded. Do the ghosts of these soldiers still wander the area and do the fireworks remind them of a time gone by??

This is a gem!

OK. I just got my 30 day notice today. I took it quite well. I figure that as much as this place has sucked lately, and that fact I am embarrassed to tell people where I work, that being laid off just isn't that bad. Now if you read the previous post you know I had to take an ethics class. 2 we have had to do so far. I work in a dept that gives kid gloves handling to accounts that are high profile and have special contract agreements. One of those accounts is State of Georgia. They are my baby and I do my damnedest to be sure things get fixed in a timely manner and that they get all the info they need on ongoing repairs. That alone is laughable because since the actual repair work was taken from us and sent to Cary NC, nothing gets done in a resonable time. If they have a line go down, we are, by contractual agreement, supposed to have them up and working in 4 hours or we have to start paying them a % of their cost back, depending on the length of outage. It averages Cary 2 hours just to pick up the trouble ticket. So, anyway, I walked into my mgrs office to ask when we were gonna give the State of Georgia folks a heads up about what is coming. I was told we were not. See SOG is up for a contract renewal in 2 weeks......in four weeks they will not get the service the get now. They will be just another face in the crowd, treated just as rudely and curtly as everyone else. They complain now becasue they don't feel Cary meets their criteria in dealing with their needs....how are they gonna feel when their initial phone calls are met as just another call in to report trouble. No more concern because issues aren't fixed, no more concerns that we put pressure on the repair group to do their job......just another ticket to open and pass on. No ownership for anything. And they will be really pissed when they find they get this lack of service 2 weeks after signing on the dotted line. (or maybe they won't sign in the first place)

And all this after craming another ethics training class down our throats.

Hello, ethics hotline.................

Ethics Training??

Are you one of those folks that loves or at least "likes" your job?? Wish I were. Today I found my self staring at one of the company banners. In particular I was staring at the logo. MCI. And I couldn't help starting to feel a sense of loathing and distaste. Bernie Ebbers and his cohorts stole, cooked books and made enormous loans to themselves and the worker bees get to suffer for it. We just recently watched 7500 more employees get the boot and we felt it both emotionally and in the work load. Alcoholics Anonymous membership should be starting to increase real soon. Work load cases have doubled for most of us, and I don't mean from 5 cases to 10 but from 20 cases to 40............ so much for customer service. And the new CEO, Michael Capellas, nice salary dude! How many employees could be retained with that? Anyway, we, the entire company of worker bees, received an e-mail telling us we need some more ethics training. We already had one last year about not stealing company supplies and not putting ourselves into situations that would comprmise our morals. Funny thing is this company hasn't given me any office suplies in almost 4 years. Pens, notebooks, tape, staples, and occasionally even batteries for the headsets have come out of employees pockets. Hmm kinda sounds like teachers in the public school system........ and as for my morals, well I sometimes wonder if they are already comprimised by working here. But back to the ramble, now, they want us to take yet another class. This one on ethics in financial reporting. BWAHAHAHAHAHA, now please!! I certainly didn't cook those books! Of course I could report financially that they won't continue to survive if they take away any more people who service the customer. Maybe I could report the financial laughability of my paycheck for the mounds of work they now pile on me........ Maybe somewhere there is a connection between repairing frame relay circuits and telling Wall Street that we are sitting pretty on a mountain of dough.........and I just don't see it. No .....I really don't think there is a connection. So as usual, the little man does the time for the big guys that do the crime.........

Why don't I find another job??? Have you been in the job market lately??? Despite what the news reports.....well paying jobs are not the jobs that are opening up.

16, Have Ride, Will Drive

Well it seems Mom's Taxi Service has been put into semi retirement. Peter is armed with a liscense and a car. I remember back when I got mine. The excitment and new found freedom. I could now go visit my friends without my mother taking me there and any reason to drive was good, even if it was just to get milk at the grocery store or to pick up some mopeds that needed repairs. I was cool. I was in the car alone and I had the road. Moving from Florida to N.J. was even better because you had to be 16 in N.J. to get your learners permit. Here I was at 16 and driving......my friends were envious and thought it was cool to hang with me. I haven't lost my love of driving. Long road trips are great. I love just cruising the country side........windows down and the wind just blowing my hair into a frazzled mess. Its the way to go. Darn.....now that road trip in July, to VA, will have to be shared with my 16 year old. I also now see the other side. The freedom gained by my parents when I no longer requested rides from them. Its amazing how much time is freed up when you don't have to chauffer someone around. Suddenly you can stay at the local hang out a little longer. Sleep in a little later because you don't have to take someone to work in the morning. Ahhhhh life just got a little easier.

Life

I was asked about my motto yesterday. The one on the left side of my blog.

Don't sweat the small things. There is too much more going on out there.

I didn't learn this in life until I was about 34 or 35. Up 'til then everything was of major importance and could cause a crisis. Fighting your way out of an abusive relationship and dealing with its aftermath, makes the over flowing garbage a very trivial thing. I have learned that life is something to enjoy and if your not happy on the path your walking down, then turn and go in a new direction. I want to enjoy my friends. I want to know my friends. I want to like what I am doing. It's understood that I will probably never travel the world, or party with royalty, but the things I do can still be fulfilling, and entertaining. I can still let people know I am here.

But its not just that. There are larger issuses, a friend with cancer, a fence to mend with a family member, a missing child. These are the things that deserve our attention. Who cares if the dishes sit another hour. If I worry, I want to worry over something that is worth my time. I don't want to be wasting time wondering if the trash went out to the street, or did the lawn get mowed today. Yes these are things that need to be done, but if soemthing more important comes along, or something fun to do with a friend, well these things can get shoved aside for the time being. Enjoy life.

I don't plan arriving at my final destination in a nice neat package, pristine and undamaged. I'm gonna arrive screeching sideways, oil leaking and hollering Geronimo!!!!

Whodda Thunk It?

Champions!! 

WOW!!! Can you believe we did it!! We beat those Canadian boys even though, whats that you said?? Its your God given right to win the cup!!! Talk about HAPPY!! HAPPY!! HAPPY!! Man we lived through some pretty depressing seasons, but now, WE ARE ON THE TOP!Woooohooooo! I gotta tell ya.....my stomach has been in my throat since the beginning of game 6. Today was worse. I had that constant churning in the pit of your stomach, the stuff that makes you queazy and uncomfortable. I wanted this win and I wanted it bad. Who says that the fans don't live the dreams of the athletes? Fans want it just as bad. They want it for their boys, they want it for their city and community. Hockey moms want it, to know all that money hasn't been wasted and that Florida can make it in the sport.
I watched the game from the local wing house and what a crowd we had rockin in there. Fred I am soooooooooo jealous that you got to see the game up front and personal like, but George and I still had an awesome time. We did find a better Mama Ciarlo. Tall and pretty. Couldn't catch her name though....tried once or twice but wasn't able. But back to the game..............awesome baby, just awsome. Havta git on down to the stores for some new car flags, mugs and other good stuff. A day in history with memories of the whole series and two of the best friends I spent them with.

Off to dream heaven tonight............