A Day of Hockey

I was having a lazy day and had just gotten to rolling out of bed when the phone rang. It was George asking me if Peter and I wanted to go to a Lightning game. Peter had to work, but I was up for it. Afterward he had an extra ticket to the Lightning College Classic Tournament. WOW a whole day of hockey! George Fred and i met up at Tucsons at 11:30, had a few beers and headed off to the game. Tickets were at will call and the game started at 1.
We got there and found that 2 tickets were for the lower level and 2 were for the AFS Club (formerly the XO Club) Since there were only three of us we asked if we could trade in the 2 lower levels for 1 Club ticket. They happily accommodated us. So off to the AFS Club we went. Complimentary beer, wine and soda and all the food we could eat. OK I am in heaven! My motto, "If its free its for me". Everywhere I looked....... hot dogs, meatballs, quesadillas, pretzels, popcorn, waffles, french toast, sausage, roasted potatoes, cakes and cookies, all for the taking. And beer, soda and wine sweet wine.................
The game itself was good until the third period. Then the Lightning just threw it away like the do so often.....that's ok...the wine was making me feel quite alright with losing......The first of 2 college games started and hour afterward. We hung out in the AFS Club for that game and sucked up more booze. Notre Dame was playing UMass. A very good game with UMass winning. The second game was RPI vs Colorado. We decided to move down to the lower level and watch the game from 3 rows back. What a great game that was. RPI was up 2 to nothing by the end of the second. Colorado came back to tie the game late in the third and then win the game with 7 seconds to go. AWESOME BABY!
The whole day was great. It meant so much to me that George and Fred remembered me and asked me to go. I hadn't seen or spoken to either in quite some time and often felt I had neglected them over the past year or so. Being with them was great and all the reasons they are two of my dearest friends smacked me over the head and reminded me not to neglect them like that again. I had great conversation, laughed joked and had time just fly by. Watching the college games brought back a lot of memories of Peters high school days of hockey. The sound of blades gliding and sliding across ice was a well missed sound. The camaraderie and chatter among the team mates was enjoyable to hear and even the once hated smell of hockey gear was a welcomed odor. I remembered how I loved to watch him play......the ease with which he moved over the ice, the grace, yes grace, he had........ the ringing of the slap shots he took that at the right distance could dent the goalies cage.........Peter had speed and power on the ice and the team could be losing but watching him move and play was what truly made me happy. Today brought all that back and made me realize how much I miss the game and watching my son play.
Two more games tomorrow and more happy memories. Thanks guys for bringing me along. :)

Baggage

Oh yes we all have it............................

Having more free time on my hands now I thought a lot about the baggage we bring into a relationship.

When I entered my last relationship, I knew what I was taking into it. BC was the first person I dated since Pete died. He knew it as well. I never compared the relationships and I never compared the people involved.

When I started to notice the relationship falling apart, I wondered if maybe I hadn't gotten over Pete, had I sabotaged the relationship with memories of him? When BC turned and walked away, I wondered this even more. What I realized, was I miss Pete, that will never change. He helped raise my son, he lived with me, he was my best friend. I always referred to Pete and Peter as my heart and soul, because each held half my heart and half my soul. And while my heart and soul still grieve his loss, it has not been wishing he were here to carry on where we left off. I do know, and have known that I must continue without him. I accepted this long ago.
What I can look back and see is that when the relationship with BC started going south, I longed for someone to be in my life who wanted to share my every moment. How could I not think back and think of Pete....but..... I also thought about Mel.... that first love..... you know the first person you ever fall in love with....... it dawned on me that when relationships start to fail we always look back at the ones that seemed the most perfect. So it would seem that sometimes our fond and heart felt memories can also be baggage. I don't necessarily see this as bad.... past relationships teach us lessons...... how to trust....... how to cooperate and compromise .......how to love.
When BC left, I did not immediately wish that Pete was back. (This truly told me I had moved on with life in the living world.) What I wished, was that if only BC could have gotten past his baggage and allowed me to be something important in his life. He was fun, he made me laugh, he brought me back from the depths of darkness that I had gotten lost in.

In the words of one so dear to me....... "And so it goes...................."

The Wild Ride Called Life

Wow...where to begin this blog..........I guess with the ferret.

I have ferret #7. Her name is Liberty. She was not planned......... but by fate she is here. I had started working at getting DMK ferrets homes in Florida. I spent weeks soliciting ferret shelters. Some responded, some did not. In all 25 of the DMK ferrets came to Florida. Some were to come locally in St Pete or nearby Orlando. I said no to taking a ferret for quite a while. 10 went to Jacksonville and some of those I was to pick up and transport to Orlando and St Pete. When they arrived in Jacksonville I was still saying no...and then a friend in Gainesville who was also helping to transport and taking in 4 kept bugging me...oh you should have one after all the work you did...take one... come get her and if it doesn't work out I will take her back and keep her. I started to waver....................... but things with Jacksonville went back and forth for a few weeks and so I figured it was settled that I would not take a ferret........then pictures got posted........ I fell in love with one in particular...oh what a sweet face............ eventually Jacksonville would release the fuzzbutts and I told Toni to get one for me under the condition she would still keep it if I decided I couldn't..... she said she found a spunky little girl that would keep Parker busy and wear him down ( he is boundless energy) I went to Toni's in Gainesville and met the girls she had already brought to her house...including the one she picked out for me. We sat on the floor and damn if the baby she picked out for me wasn't the one in the picture. This ferret, with the temp name Gucci, ran up to me like she had known me all along. I was told to watch her because she had been nippy.... it was not a nip I received, it was kisses........... kisses!!! She placed her paw on my knee and dooked and danced for me.... she did this several times....... this was fate and there was no way I could not bring her home..... Quizzy and Parker had to accept her...they had to. After an hour and a half of playing with the ferrets we took off for Jacksonville to pick up 4 more ferrets. Toni was taking in 3 more and one was coming back to St Pete with me to live with someone else. I found out the gal in Orlando had made arrangements to pick up her ferrets another day........
So now I have ferret number 7 and fate followed to play out and Quizzy accepted her and Parker is warming up to her. (he is a sensitive boy and is a bit overwhelmed by her bouncy personality) So all ends well................................

Not necessarily

BC is pissed to the max. So much so a week later and he is still pissed. Feels deceived because I didn't tell him....thinks it was planned from the beginning..... he's never really liked the ferrets...... but this is my house and why should it effect him? His time here has been less and less and he has been spending more time with his first love..... work. Truth is...most of the time if a conversation turned to ferrets....he got this glassy look in his eyes and would yawn.... got to be I almost quit talking about the subject because ... well.... what was the point.... blanks stares... I might as well talk to the wall. Ferrets are an important part of my life. Something I know only another ferret owner understands. If you want proof go to FerretUniverse.com and go to the message board. Passion. It is what it is, a passion. These guys bring a lot of joy to my life. They love me unconditionally. They make me laugh and know when I am feeling gloomy. They are my kids..... I would never leave them, or my cats, if I had to evacuate for a hurricane. They WOULD come with me. They have been promised a forever home and I will not break that promise. Some of these fuzzies have been abused or thrown out on the street. #7, now named Liberty came from horrendous conditions (view my video a few posts back) I won't let them know anything but kindness and love.

So where does that leave me...... I am guessing on my own again......
I think ,while not the whole issue, but a big part of it, is the ferrets. He doesn't like them, but as I stated they are a big part of my life. He loves his work..... and I was complacent and didn't gripe and bitch when he spent more time working and less time with me. I did it once and was told it (work) will slow down soon. I, like a fool, believed. He said he would be here at 12, he showed up at 3, he would be here at 10 he showed up at 1. 2 and a half day weekends turned to 2, then 1 and a half and then to one. He wonders why I did not cheerily greet him. Why I didn't say something, I don't know. Maybe I was trying to be the understanding GF, maybe I didn't want to start a fight, maybe I just knew he was losing interest. He still wants to cool down.... and then talk. Question is, shouldn't your significant other have at least an interest or understanding in things you are passionate about? Shouldn't you feel free to talk about anything and everything? Shouldn't you be able to look past anger and see the truth? I do want my significant other to be my best friend but if I can't answer yes to all of the above questions, then maybe friends is all we can be....................................

My Son Is Growing Up

I read my sons My Space today.... He made me cry... I saw something new in him.... maturity, growth and the young man that Pete and I worked so hard to shape.

From Peters Blog:
..............................another thing i feel i should share...
something that has been a pretty touchy subject to me...
Pete's death...
for those of you who dont know...ill brush ya up...
Pete was my moms b/f for the longest time...he was pretty much the one who took over as my father...yet i was too young and rotten to realise he was only there to care...and help guide and mold me into on day becoming a productive member of society....some of the things i said i wish to this day i had not ever said...things i should have told him before he passed that i wish i could have said:
i love you.
your pretty much the one who cared.
i see your trying to care
you acted as if you were my father
you helped me grow
you molded me
and most of all...you made my mom happy.

i could never ever see any of those things till after he passed
for the longest of times i felt that me being so rotten...such a little dick to him, that drove him out of our house....and out of our lives.he moved out...and passed due to negligence of his own...i felt i was the reason he moved...
to see my mom in the shape she was in...it hit home hard...
and i never told anyone that i pretty much held myself accountable for what had happened.
it was just the other day of talking to my mom that i finally came to the conclusion that this was at no point my fault....and its a burden released...countless night id cry myself to sleep hating myself for what i had done...and its done with now.

Im setting my life straight as he had done...im doing the things he would have done...finishing where his life had left off...
he wanted a sportbike for the longest of times...
now i have one...
he had finished up all his schooling and was on his way to a career of being a fire/paramedic
im now on that path working at sunstar and getting ready for school.
i know he is looking down on me with a big smile finally seeing his mold come into play...the young child that he started off with to a man who is becoming his own now.
if he could read this...up and down i would apologise and tell him i love him and that im thankful for what he has done...

Raising Peter was never easy. He had so many emotional issues to deal with, his dads abuse on me, promises never kept by his dad, alcoholism, and being abandoned by his father. There were times I wanted to give up.... but by giving up I was being defeated by his father and I was letting Peter down. I would do neither. Even in recent years I worried he would not make anything of himself, that he would wait for things to come to him and they never would. He has searched out a new job, been persistent and gotten it. He will be starting with Sunstar and is starting to show determination about school. Seeing this turn around is like watching a caterpillar emerge from its cocoon as a butterfly.

I know Pete is smiling............................

DMK Ferret Rescue

For any animal lovers out there this post is sad and at the same time it amazes me to see people who don't know each other come together. There is a ferret breeder in Ohio that organizations having been trying to close down for years. Due to whatever circumstance, this is finally happening. The ferrets are breeders and have been caged out doors in the elements in cramped filthy quarters. Often the water would freeze during the winter and the ferrets would have to lick ice to get their water intake. Food was just tossed into the cages. These ferrets pose special problems, they are unsocialized, underweight, have never slept in a warm cozy bed, need health shots , are not desexed or demusked and jills(females) taken in could very well be pregnant. I have put out a call to Florida shelters and have made contact with people setting up transport lines. There are 850 ferrets in need of care and I can only hope that we as a Florida ferret community can take in some of these babies What has me awed is the way people have come together to donate time and money. Transport volunteers are being set up from north to south and east to west. Shelters and individuals are trying to spread these ferrets out across the country so there is no heavy burden in one place. It seems to be coming together. Truck loads of goods have been shipped to the main rescue and donations are coming in....more are needed. Supposedly Walmart and several ferret stores are giving discounts if you ship to Lori Sies of Ferrets Dream Shelter. Can you imagine finding 850 ferrets homes and not one having to be put down for lack of space to stay. .

Random Act of Kindness

Have you ever done anything out of kidness, thought it was a very small and uniportant act, only to find out the receiver of the act was so moved and blown away that they cried and gushed thank yous to no end and told everyone else what you did, and they in turn were blown away?

I just did.
I never expected such a reaction. I didn't think it was any big deal.
But she did.
Wow, I have been left with my mouth agape.

Quick Quips

Why is it that when you tell friends / family that money is tight, they don't really listen and want you to go all over the place spending money?

Peter is back living in my home and under the impression that my truck is community property (I put an end to that) and thinks he doesn't have to help out around the house. If he gets that job at Sunstar, he can start paying rent if he doesn't want to help. If he doesn't get that job he can either help out or go live with nana.

I am so ready for this hot weather to go away. I want the cool weather so I can open up the windows and have cook outs with friends over.

Is anybody else tired of seeing commercials for feminine products, natural male enhancement products and ED meds as much as me. I wish they would just take them off the air.

Why don't parents teach their kids how to dress....oh wait I guess they would have to know how to dress as well.... I hate seeing chubby girls is teeny weeny tops that shows belly. I also don't understand why parents let their daughters dress like sluts. What is with words being printed across your ass? Juicy..... hot..... sweet....etc...... all that makes me think is easy and trashy.

Will sports franchises ever put moral clauses in their contracts and uphold them? I am so sick of thugs, rapists, thieves, druggies, and wife abuser getting paid huge salaries to play sports and the law and team owners just looking the other way. Guess that's why I don't support professional sports much any more.

3 Years Ago..........

Three years ago you left me.
It was three years ago my life took a dramatic change
I had always envisioned us growing old and sitting in our rockers on the front porch.

I spent the better part of today drifting away from reality and thinking about you.
Remembering things you did and things you said
The way you always stroked my hair.............
The way you cheered Peter on at hockey games...........
Hockey playoffs the year the Lightning won the Stanley Cup. Away games outside the Ice Palace and home games at Wing House..........
Your laugh...........
Christmas and your Santa Hat..............
How easily you got buzzed............
That old Saturn car of yours..........
How excited you got after a major fire....... calling me at 3AM to tell me about it.........
That damn checkbook.........
How Teeki would curl up in your arms and fall asleep...........
The day you were huggin on George and thought it was me....... what a laugh that was
How we talked for hours about everything............
You teaching Peter to skate..........
Skating at the Sports Forum on Tuesday nights.........
Road trips to Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Tennessee.....
Sunsets on the beach............ I don't think I have seen any magnificent ones since you left.
How you got me to watch Stargate........
Always coming home to Warner Brothers cartoons on the TV.........
How proud I was the day you became a fireman.........
Never seeing you without a camera..........
How you faithfully called your parents once a week.........
Hearing that same damn story over and over again about how drunk you got one night and you and your friends were all doing cartwheels down the middle of the road.................
The days of hockey 101..........

There are so many more things I thought about today................... mostly how much I miss my best friend

I know you have been there at times. I have felt you. These moments have given me comfort and saved me. Its nice to know your watching over me.............................

Lost.... in the world of humans

I had blogged a while back about a kitty that has come around and made my home a place to get food when he was unable to catch his own. He has seen some harsh times and some cruelty. He showed up at my house once with a huge gash on the top of his head that ran down the side of his face. This was not made by a fight with another cat. It was huge and exposed a large area of his head. When he ate I would dribble peroxide over his head to clean it out. He would of course run away, but hunger always won out and he would come back to eat. It took a long time for that mess to heal up. He often showed up with some severe injuries. I could only think that they were the result of humans. My cats never come home looking the way he did. I have always been saddened by the fact that he would never let anyone near him and that he would not know the touch of a kind hand. The other day he was sitting on the front porch and I went to feed him. I slowly reached for him and got close enough to lay a hand on his neck. He flinched. I held my breath as I was able to slide my hand down his back. I stopped with that one stroke and let him eat the food. Two days later he was on my door step again looking for a meal. I sat down on the step and as I poured the food I swear I heard a soft, almost non audible meow. It was the first time I ever heard a sound from that cat. I didn't want to push my luck so I simply basked in the warm a fuzzy feeling I had at that moment. Another week passed, and at each meal I was greeted with a soft but very real meow. Finally I decided to make another try at petting him. I sat down next to him and as I poured the food, I reached out and once again touched the top of his neck and slowly took may hand down his back. He continued to eat. Three more strokes. I softly spoke to him. Another 2 strokes. This is where I left it. I now knew that he had, however fragile, some trust in me........ and I knew that at last he would know that kind people exist and that the human hand could also provide pleasure. The old kitty will now know kindness, and that makes me happy................ I hope it does him as well.

A Week in Virginia

Ah a week escape from reality..........................beautiful weather, low (and I mean low) humidity, no thought of time, and total hakuna matata. The place is tranquil with a quiet that is serene. The local train for the coal mill goes by every 30 minutes to an hour and its just such a wonderful sound.

A light work load awaited us this year, demo a peacock pen, put up a few deck supports and build a step. Easy peasy. The rest of the time was spent boating, swimming, fishing and my favorite ....... conversation with family over food..... and peanuts. This year was different from most. Usually only Dwain makes the trek to see Peter and me when we are at dads, but this year the entire clan made it and then some. Dwain brought his girl friend Marie, Doug and Tripp showed up, and Natalie came with daughter (Fressia) and hubby(Andy) tagging along. I can't recall the last time all four siblings were together along with all the cousins....... hmmmmmm ................ 1st time I think. Cousin Cathy and her byfriend John showed up for the 4th, bearing fireworks and yummy key lime pies.

Patsy was the Queen of Hostesses with the 4th of July having 14 people to cook for and several days of 12. Nair a grumble or a gripe of having so many mouths to feed and cook for.

So with no further waiting for the impatient........ pictures galore to tell the story......

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The call to dinner

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Most afternoons were spent talking over beer and peanuts...... or gatorade

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Lots of fishing time....just for little fish but we had fun catching and releasing

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Out and about Lynchburg

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Dinner the night before the 4th with the whole family

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Fourth of July eatins

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Family Photos from the 4th

The Whole clan

Granpa with all the grandkids

Dad with all the siblings

Sitting,(left) my cousin Cathy and her BF John, Patsy (right)

my dad's wife and standing, my dad.

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The boat got water in the engine so Peter steppedm up to the plate and got it running again.

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This is one of their cats, Midnight, check out her eyes.

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Peter's and Jens Hillbilly pictures

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Some Pictures from our last evening there

Family and Politics....... no not together....

My son did something that is worthy of mention.

We are taking a trip to VA this weekend and he was insistant that I needed new tires, as was BC. I being on a tight budget deemed them both crazy and went on my way. Well Peter works at Tire Kingdom and some guy came in wanting them to put on some after market rims and new tires and my son saw a deal on some tires with only 900 miles on them. He called me and tried to sell me on the deal of 4 semi-new tires for $140.00, I scoffed and said I don't need them. Several days later Peter and BC are in cahoots together on something and when my son asked to borrow the truck one day, I had a feeling................. Later, on the day of the truck borrowing, it was returned with 4 new tires. My son spent his hard earned money, and he doesn't make a lot, on me, his mother......... he must really love me.

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Why is it that everytime I hear on the news that the City of Tampa and St Petersburg are handing out pink slips due to a cut in budget from the cut in property taxes, I want to scream BULLSHIT!!!! Hell first off the Senate just passed the reform. According to what they have done, they first part is to roll back taxes, by one year, that will be seen on the next tax bill. AND..... since the tax year is just sneaking up, that would mean the 2006 to 2007 taxes. No change there in budget money. It means the increase they just mailed out would not take affect. The second part will be voted on in January and wouldn't take place until the following tax year, So why is it necessary to layoff people now? The people haven't even voted on the new proposal....... what if they decide to keep it the way it is? I hate poloticians....... I hate liars

Mt Dora

Mt Dora is this quaint little town in Florida that seems to have been able to hide from time and progress for just a little bit. We were in the area to drop off a ferret to a fellow ferret enthusiast and decided to spend the better part of the day in this little town. The place is full of old buildings that have been restored into shops that sell antiques, crafts and vintage items. Main street is still much of what it used to be.

While some have had makeovers on the outside, the inside of the stores tell a true history. Old wood floors, nooks and crannies that you would never see in a modern building and fine art details in doorways, rails, steps and molding. Sometimes I found myself studying the architect (inside and out) of a building as well as the goods being sold.

I couldn't help but marvel at some of the items in the antique stores. It was like a rush of memories. I am sure BC was tired of the stories from the trips down memory lane. In one store there was some pieces of a dinning set that was identical to the ones my grandmother Falter had. The tea pot was selling for $125.00. I got a giggle outta that. I wonder what my mom sold the set for? Another store had a vintage purse I wanted to buy. The dealer wanted $45.00 for it and I just couldn't see spending the money on it. I would have had fun using it though...... well maybe I should have.... *sigh* They don't make purses they way they used to. I had to snap a picture of this:

grandma Falter had one in her basement. When us kids were coming to visit she would purchase a 3 gallon container of lemonade for us to drink when we came in from playing. And for the record, the lemonade was DELIVERED by the milkman. Anyway, I could help but open the fridge and pretend I was in her basement getting that cool glass of lemonade to take upstairs and out to the screened porch to sit and cool down. I could envision every detail of her house, all the furniture, the smells and her in her floral lightweight dresses, handkerchief always in hand. Odd that a fridge did all of that huh?

We stopped and had lunch at the Icelandic pub.. Food was dee-lish but service was a bit slooooow. I had a grilled chi ken sandwich seasoned and served with brie on top, BC had a roast beef sandwich with onions cheese and dipping sauce(au jus) we tried some peach cider(alcoholic) and if the waitress had been more attentive she could have sold me a few more to the point where I would have walked out of there with a bit of a swagger.... or is that stagger? :)

One of the other things that I thought was sweet about this town was that they gave carriage rides throughout the avenues, pointing out the historic landmarks. It reminded me of a summer vacation and a trip to Mackinaw Island. MMMMMM I can almost smell the fudge and taffy.

Lastly as we were heading back to the car, I spotted this old house and just couldn't help but think of my days of living in Cape May New Jersey and the summers on the beach. There were a million other memories that went through my head that day and all the nostalgia made me feel young again.............. ok younger as in days of childhood. Ahhhhhhhhhhh........