Ultimate in Laziness

I think I just saw the ultimate in laziness.

I'm overweight and I would NEVER consider using an aid to get me around. I don't spend 20 minutes looking for the nearest parking spot and if I can walk to a store that is short distance I will. Walking doesn't bother me. I can blame some of my heaviness on genetics, some of it is my fault with poor food choices. When the cooler weather is a round I take power walks. When summer comes I don't. If I had the room I would get a treadmill, sadly I don't, not unless I want to put it in my kitchen.

There is a guy I see quite often pass by outside my window at work . He is in an electric scooter chair. Today a perfectly able female, was sitting on his lap, steering his Scooter. He is this skinny little guy and she is a rather large woman. You can hardly see him with her on his lap. Why is she not walking beside him? I hate when I see over weight people using electric carts and in the stores. It really pisses me off. I feel like telling them to get their fat ass up and walk. Its what I wanted to tell the woman sitting in the guys lap.

What is wrong with society?

Why are we getting so lazy?

School Days

The kids are getting out for summer.
I wonder if any get the same feelings I did on that last day of school. In grade school and middle school the last week was always such a lazy week. Tests were over, homework done with and for the most part it was a clean up week. We turned in books, cleaned out desks, received papers and artwork that had been proudly displayed and bulletin boards were taken down. I remember at Juliet W Long, in good old Gales Ferry, Connecticut we had a "field day" where there were races and relays and ribbons to win, followed by a party back in our classroom. In middle school, we didn't clean out desks, but lockers. It was always bitter sweet for me. I missed teachers and the everyday routine, but summer was a time of freedom. Friends were almost always just a bike ride away, of course things were simpler then. Parents didn't need to worry about their kids being too young to ride to a friends house. They didn't worry when we didn't come home all day. Hell.....I bet my mom really loved it when my brother and I would go next door and get our good friends Kevin and Lisa and head off to the woods with a packed lunch.
Adventure awaited!
Rock hillsides to scale...
Open Fields to cross...
Deep woods to explore...
Ravines to descend...
Tadpoles to catch..
A pond to fish at...
A small creek to wade in...
There never seemed to be an end to the fun of summer. When I moved to Ohio it was vacation trips with the family, day camps, and then the wonderful, NO PARENTS, canoeing trip (camp) and biking for a week across Ohio (another camp). What freedom....what an opportunity to discover ones self.

And
on another note...

Do you have a teacher who inspired you? One you saw more in you than anyone else ever saw? I had one in middle school. I was always a low end C student. I just never felt an urge to do more than I needed to. I think I saw school more as a social gathering, a place to meet up with friends. Then one year I had a teacher who always pushed me. Push, push, push, I thought he hated me and just wanted to pick on me and make the days horrible. One day after I had had enough, I mouthed him back. He sent me out to sit in the hall. After about 5 minutes he came out with a chair, sat next to me, looked me in the eyes and said, "I push you because I know who you are. I know you're smart and I know you can do more than just skate by." He continued to talk to me. Some how he knew about other things as well... some of the not so great things going on in my life. He knew I was struggling to find me. He also seemed to know that at times I felt like I was drowning within my own family. That conversation stuck with me. I took a new look at myself and thought about how an adult showed faith and belief in me. He was someone who would listen and often when he saw me after school ( ping pong club, gymnastics, art club, intramural sports) he would stop and ask how my day had been. When track season came around (he was coach) he encouraged me to come out. I did.
Because of him, I found myself.
Because of him I applied myself to school and became an honor student; an honor student who would one day wear gold at her HS graduation.
Yesterday I found him on Facebook. I wrote him a note.
He wrote back.

Thank you Mr Cracas you were my inspiration to be more.

Letting Go

My young nephew wants to do his big boy room in Star Wars. I think, "I can help with that" So today I went out to the closet in the mud room and pulled out one of several boxes that have been hidden away for years. I open it and neatly nestled in it are Star Wars figures still in their boxes. I look them over and a sadness falls.

These were Pete's.

Why is it so hard to get rid of things? They have sat in a closet for nearly six years. I have no use for them. Why shouldn't I give them to my nephew? They would make him happy........and it wouldempty out some closet space!

*sigh*

The logical thing to do is to let someone else enjoy them vs sitting in a dark closet. I know this, but the emotions always overwhelm me. I feel likeI'm letting go of another piece of Pete. There are many other things of his still in the house. These will stay. They evoke strong memories and that is what is important.

Tomorrow I WILL suck it up and mail off the package.

I wonder if I can ever let go of the porcelain cow head that I hate so much and that he loved so much?

Remembrance

I stood and waited outside by the busy street. It was a blustery day and it caused my flag to stand out straight, flapping at attention. I strained to see down the road. Flashing lights were in the distance at the next lighted intersection. Soon the steady stream of headlights could be seen coming.....coming ever so slowly. I felt the rumble of the motorcycles and then the low growling became clearer. Cpl Jonathon Porto came home today. I raised my hand to my heart, bowed my head and said a prayer. He did not come home as a family had hoped........not as we wish all our soldiers would. He arrived at McDill Airforce Base in a flag draped casket. I had never met him; I did not know him, but I shed a tear for him...... youth lost.....a life lost. He passed by with 3 Sheriff's cars, 10 Patriot Guard Riders, his family, his friends, another 25 Patriot Guard Riders and 4 St Pete Police cruisers. It should have been more...... He gave his life for foreigners, for Americans, for you....... for me.

When will this madness end?

Someone else lost their life today......... I hope I was worth it.

The Past Influences The Future

I sat outside on the back deck, enjoying the warmth of the last sun rays of the day. I had been parusing the web and thought I would go check out my Alma Mater's web page on Facebook and get the latest news. A bunch of Alumni, students, faculty and parishioners are trying to save Wildwood Catholic from closing its doors. It appears it may happen…..being saved that is. I have been following the battle with mixed emotions.

Have I donated to the cause?

No...................

I attended Wildwood Catholic for my Junior and Senior year of high school. My family had moved to New Jersey from Florida. I was used to moving, losing friends and being forced to make new, and in most cases, temporary friends. This was the military life. What I wasn't prepared for was the small town, in your business, attitude or the narrow minds I ran into. For the most part if you weren't a local you weren't welcomed. I grew a thick skin in this town.......maybe that's just a thicker skin. I always thought I was pretty good at being me.....but there were times....a few times, my peers put me up against the wall and I almost crumbled into a heap on the ground. I found happiness in a small circle of friends in school and in folks I met through my job. My few friends at school for the most part was a group of misfits, the "square pegs." I heard the whispers, the remarks and I saw the looks. I didn't care......I was never oblivious to it all.....I just didn't care. We were, by all means, an odd group, and that made me like them all that much more. It was my times with them that made going to Wildwood Catholic bearable. It is them, that give me the warm memories and a sense of belonging.

The rest of Wildwood Catholic, well either they didn't notice me.....which is hard to believe in such a small school.....or tried to make my life miserable. I never thought being pelted with food was a whole lot of fun (with the exception of a massive food fight late one night at the Wendy's with all my co workers) but it was a common ritual if I ventured into the cafeteria alone. At these times I usually went to art class to draw away the time. Oh.... and the narrow minds..... having lived all over the US I just never gave much thought to speaking my views, but doing so sure earned me some hate mail. This rubbish was usually found between the pages of a book I may have left unattended for a brief moment, in my locker, or delivered to me via airmail by paper airplane or a wadded up piece of paper. Father Hodge was always good at reviewing the hate mail and finding a way to make me laugh, Eventually I learned to not even look at it and dispose of it in the closest garbage can. These are the things that make me not give a rats ass about Wildwood Catholic.

There were some pretty cool teachers, ones that made me laugh and ones that put up with some silly games.....hey Buck! seen Twiki? ........

I sat back in my chair and grabbed my glass of wine, while taking a sip I looked at the two envelopes on the table asking for my hard earned money. I only give twice a year to a cause. I picked up the Wildwood Catholic envelope and tossed it into the deck trash can.

Funny.......who ever thought some of those folks would want my money....

Circle of Grief

Its not like its my first time going through this, but it always seems that way, and it never gets easier. Billy, Raini, Weeki, Teeki, Nissmo, Woozle, Pheelia, Lielah and now Tauvi, the journey to the Bridge is never an easy one to release our fur kids to. Tauvi is soon for that journey and it eats at me in so many ways.

She is an old girl.

She has had a good life here.

I know I have done my best for her.

I have shown her the stars and told her of the Bridge. I have told her that if her body is tired and her spirit wants to move on, then I understand and its ok. I tell all my kids this. I think way to often our pets hang on.....for us......they need to know its ok to go. Whats hard, is that time leading up to the journey. Tauvi has an enlarged heart. She has been on lasix for a few weeks. This helps remove the fluids, but her heart is pressing on her esophagus. This makes it hard to eat and hard to drink. In past days it seems even harder. She is losing weight from not eating enough. I can't see force feeding her when all that does is stress her out and stress her heart more. So here I sit and worry. Worry; is she eating? Is she drinking? Is she comfortable? Is she hurting? I look in her eyes and question, do I still see a light or has it grown dim and I just don't want see that, because I don't want to do what she is asking......help her to cross. What if I send her off too soon? What if I should have helped her sooner? I hate this part, if I wish it to be over, then I feel guilt because I think I'm wishing her dead......and if she still wants to be here to collect more hugs and kisses before her journey........then I want to give her that love to carry her over. I hate the confusion....the tears....the sadness.....I hate to think of my life without this furry, fuzzy little creature in it. I guess all I can do is what I have always done..........ride the emotional ups and downs and pack her bags as full of hugs and kisses until she tells me its time to go.

A Chilly Night

Last night I got home from being out with my son and threw a quick dinner in the oven. I was very hungry to the point of having the shakes. While dinner heated up I got all the furkids out of their condos and let them out to rampage and terrorize the house and cats. While the condos were unoccupied I clean the liter boxes and shook out the towels and blankets. Once done I pulled dinner from the oven, turned on the tv and sat down to eat
BOOM!......out go the lights
Electricity back on for maybe 2 seconds........
BOOM!.......out go the lights a second time.......
Electricity back on for 10 seconds.......
BOOM!.......out go the lights for a third time....
I sat in complete darkness and nothing.....I felt my way over to where the candles were a lit one....then two.....then three...... I made my way around the house turning off the heat and light switches. I had had a major chill going so had cranked the heat up from 68 to 75. Thank goodness it had hit the 75 degree mark. I sat back down at the table and ate my dinner by candle light. It was black as black outside. The entire neighborhood was down. Outside I could hear sirens wailing away.....so many......it sounded as if the the whole city had gone to hell. Progress trucks rumbled through the neighborhood looking for the trouble. Their headlights and search lights illuminated the front room as they passed. Finished with dinner I carried my dishes and candle to the kitchen to clean up. By 9:30 I guessed that the way the trucks were driving around, that it would be a while before the power was back up. I grabbed the kids and tucked them all back in bed and gave them extra blankets and towels and pulled down the front of the cage covers to help retain their heat. I figured it was better for them to be safe and warm in the cages than running around. By 10 PM, There was really nothing to do, and too dark to read a book, so I myself grabbed an extra comforter, crawled into bed and drifted off to sleep.

The power stayed off until 2 AM. I woke up to the beeping of the phones and the hallway light coming on. I crawled out of bed to a very cold house. I quickly set the alarm clock and turned the heat on......brrrrrrr....thermostat read 57. I checked on all the kids......pig piled under the blankets and toasty warm. Tauvi was snuggled in the two sweaters I had given her.
This time.....
click goes the light switch........out go the lights.....and me......back to bed