Quick Quips and Ramblings

I went to the east coast with BC (last known as Mr X) last weekend and met up with with two close girl friends. What a blast. I can't remember the last time I had that much fun! Friday we were all up until 3 AM laughing away the whole evening and early morning. Saeurday was awesome as we went down to Sabasstians Inlet and watched the surfers from the pier and then sat on the rocks just soaking in the sun, breeze and sounds. That evening BC fixed a wonderful dinner for us girls.....mmmmmmmmmmm was it deeee-lish!

The rugrats not around much. He caught himself a new GF and she has her own place. I wonder how long that will last?

Work sucks more than ever.......top of my to "do list" .......GET A NEW JOB.....second on my "to do" list, GET A NEW JOB!!

I have been side tracked for 2 months now (pleasantly I will add) but I must start getting focused back on home projects.

Looking for the Exit Ramp

So I sit here and ponder my life lately and can't help but wonder if the man upstairs is getting a chuckle as I go through the dance steps of trying to live a happy life. Sound bitter, well maybe a little, after all I have lived some years of bliss where everything seemed so near perfect. Was I taking it all for granted? I don't think so.......I remember many prayers of thanks, many days of looking at what I had and thinking things were good and I finally had things right. My own home, a good man by my side, a job I loved and a son that was finding his way and turning into a productive adult. I was content. I was happy. Life was serene and good. I always wondered when the shoe would drop. Maybe thats why it did, because I was waiting for it........
So one day I wake up and see my job bought out by a corporate giant, and things slide down hill, lay offs are around every corner, no job security, then the little things hit.....the car gets wrecked, then medium things hit.....pets die, issues with the kid, and then the grande finale!..........Pete dies. Every thing just went to shit! For 18 months I sat in a big pile of shit! Shit everywhere I looked! As much as my friends tried, they couldn't help lift me out. This was something I had to do on my own.......so I did. I climbed over the loss of the pets, the car and got my son back on track.......I found a new job, which I liked and enjoyed........finally let go of Pete and let a new person in my life. So things should be back to bliss right? No.......once again the job has started to quickly go down hill and I can't help but wonder what is to follow......this road looks familiar and I need to get off it before anything else happens.
Scared?
Nervous?
Worried?
Paranoid?
Yes to all of the above. So if someone knows where the exit ramp is, please let me know I would gladly like to choose another route.......one that will take me back to the happy days.

Birthdays

Yes another one creeps up here in a few days and as usual I tell those that remember, to forget it. Its no big deal and just let it pass. But no.......most people then assume that I don't like birthdays because it means I am another year older. Truthfully though, this doesn't bother me, whats another year? I don't feel like I am getting old. I don't feel like I am getting nearer to a foot in the grave. In fact I don't have a problem revealling my age. What has given me a dislike for my birthday goes back to having my birthday forgotten and a lack of close ones being able to plan a birthday. When I was married for many years I didn't have a birthday. My ex could never remember it, so it just passed and I got used to it. In later and recent years people remember and ask whatcha wanna do for your birthday. The words I speak say" Its no big deal, let it pass" What I think in my head is " What..... I gotta plan it?"
If you truly want to do something for a friend or family members birthday, take the initiative and handle planning the details. I appreciate when someone comes to me and says they want to treat me out on my birthday and to just keep the night free. This is the way I have always handled it with my friends and believe they truly appreciate not haveing to plan what they want to do while another pays. Its called putting forth an effort to please a friend or family member. After all I just figure if I am asked to plan my birthday, next I will be asked to pay.

The Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything

While many will not understand this, those that truly knew Pete will.

Well I decided to go face my last ghost in my life with Pete. I went to the beach to watch a sunset. As I drove out I hoped to see one ofthe brilliant ones that Pete and I often saw together. If I was to say a final goodbye, then I wanted it to be spectacular. I arrived on the beach and sat on one of the benches that Pete and I had sat on so many times before. As the sun began to go down I noticed thick clouds on the horizon. There were no brilliant colors in the sky, no rays piercing through the clouds, only haze and occassional oranges. I felt disappointment flood over me. I felt abandoned was about to call it a loss when I saw a pattern in the clouds that reminded me of a fish........... or a dolphin maybe. The orange of the sunset colored the body of the fish and it captured my attention. I watched it slowly swim it's way across the sky. I sat there on the bench and started laughing hysterically, any passer by would have thought me a lunatic. The words that went through my head were: So long and thanks for all the fish!