Grieving as Fast as I Can

I noticed I had not blogged in awhile.........and I started to think why. And it dawned on me that I hadn't entered anything because I thought that anyone who reads this on a constant basis would think, "This again??" and then it occurred to me that it doesn't matter what others think of my blog entries, because I do it to write down my feelings and use it as a form of catharsis for whatever is going on within me. So with that being said, last week sucked. I was just so utterly depressed and the only thing I can think caused it was not dealing with Pete’s birthday. I kept myself so busy that I didn’t think about it. What I kept wondering was, “Why is this healing stuff taking so long?” That question had been in my head for so long just insisting on an answer……this is what was given to me………………

I was told that in losing Pete, I lost my best friend. I lost my movie partner, beach partner, concert going partner, and confidant. I lost my identity as a “couple”……… It was explained, I am not grieving the loss of a friend …………. I am grieving the loss of a spouse. This was an interesting thought and I know I must have had an odd look on my face, because it was further explained that just because two people do not get married and have the legalities of it, our living arrangements and time spent together were the same as any two people who were married. This was really quite enlightening to me……………………. So now when people tell me “I should get a life again and start dating”, or tell me “I should be over it” I know that they are wrong and my anger at their words is justified. I know that the pain is still very real and that love does not just “go away” with time. This is not a love that died by divorce, or died by incompatibility. It did not die from lack of time or interest waning. It was “love interrupted.” And now this leaves me with new questions to ponder and look to answer.

What I have now learned eases my mind some, and I now know that healing will progress at it own pace. No one can give a time frame on when things will be better. Deal with it one hour at a time, one day at a time, one week at a time. It is not just feeling better....it is dealing with guilt, that dating another person means you have forgotten. It is dealing with the change in your life style, in your finances, in the way you look at life and the way you deal with feeling that only half of you is here.

Time.........it is all up to time.

What has happened???

I blogged a few days ago about customer service in the fencing industy around my neck of the woods. It seems to me that it has become the norm to not care about the customers wants or needs. I went to a place of business today to have my oil changed and one of my front tires looked at due to a slow leak. I pulled in, and was greeted by a sign that said tires to the right, oil change to the left. Well I was having both done and figured the tire work was priority and chose the right lane. I waited by my truck and no one came to help me. I went in the store and asked the cashier for help. She asked if I had seen the service attendant and I replied no, that no one came to greet me or to help me out. SHe wwent and got a person from the garagae and they prceeded to discuss where the "attendant " was. Then they guy looks at me and asks if that is m truck parked in the right lane. I reply yes and I am told " Well thats why you didn't get service, your parked in the wrong lane." I looked at him and said" Your sign says tires to the right, and that is where I went. Do you want my business or not?"The guy looked at me and said, in a rather snotty tone, "We will have to find someone to check you in. " I just looked at him and told him not to bother that I wouldn't spend my money in a place that treated me in such a rude manner and I left. I went down the road to mmy auto dealer and was treated like I was the most valueable customer there was.
My question is .........What has happened to customer service? Are businesses doing so well that they just don't care if they offend?Do they think I enjoy being ignored or rudely treated? I don't know about anyone else but I will pay a higher price if it means I am treated well. And don't companies know that it takes forever to build a reputation of trust, but only a moment to destroy it? Or that people are more likely to speak of poor or crappy service than they will of good service. Is it that I just seem to be hitting the places that don't give a shit or is customer service going down hill real fast?

Today

Today I should be celebrating a birthday with someone.
But I am not.
Today should be a day of conversation, fun and laughter.
It Isn't
Today should be a dinner out and maybe a movie.
It won't be.
Today is Pete's birthday.
He would have been 36

Customer Service

I have finally gotten around to replacing my hurricane damaged fence. Six and a half weeks ago I called Home Depot to get a quote for materials and labor. They didn't show up. I called them and ranted to them and they set up another appointment. They again did not show. Over the next few weeks I called 4 different fencing companies to get stimates. Not a single one returned my call or came out to an appointment to give me what I wanted. I got tired of dealing with contractors and install service centers so I bought the fencing and will put the fence up myself. I built my decks, I can build a fence. What I can't understand is the lack of service from so many companies. Are they so busy they don't care?

On another note............................Welcome home Fred, now get back to blogging cause I've been really bored with nothing to read from you.

Messages from Beyond

Weither you believe or not doesn't matter.

I Do.

I was having one of my "bad" days, ones that are farther between now, but still all too common. I was about.....cleaning the house, trying to keep my mind busy so as not to think.......and had the radio on. It was on an adult soft rock station............. a song came on and it was one of those moments as if someone tells you to listen. It was one I had never heard before. It brought on a wave of emotion. When the song was over I ran to the computer to look it up. I truly believe it was Pete trying to let me know ...............................

Where You Are

"Who can say for certain

Maybe you're still here

I feel you all around me

Your memory's so clear

Deep in the stillness

I can hear you speak

You're still an inspiration

Can it be (?)

That you are my

Forever love

And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile to know you're there

A breath away's not far

To where you are

Are you gently sleeping

Here inside my dream

And isn't faith believing

All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you

Just one beat away

I cherish all you gave me everyday

'Cause you are my

Forever love

Watching me from up above

And I believe

That angels breathe

And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up

To where you are

Beyond the distant star I

wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile

To know you're there

A breath away's not far

To where you are

I know you're there

A breath away's not far

To where you are

Quick Quip

What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose? These are questions that everyone asks in life. If you're Douglas Adams the answer is 42. Why even ask this question. I believe that our purpose is whatever we make it to be. I look at what is around me and I see diversity. I believe the meaning of my life is to learn from all the diversity and to teach my son to accept it as well. If we could all teach one person that different is good, then what a change that would make in the world. I look at the people I surround myself with and I see a rich palette of color and I take pleasure in each one. How boring life would be if we only surrounded ourselves with people identical to us in religion, philosophy, color and opinion. Life would truly be black and white. ***********************************************