She is an old girl.
She has had a good life here.
I know I have done my best for her.
I have shown her the stars and told her of the Bridge. I have told her that if her body is tired and her spirit wants to move on, then I understand and its ok. I tell all my kids this. I think way to often our pets hang on.....for us......they need to know its ok to go. Whats hard, is that time leading up to the journey. Tauvi has an enlarged heart. She has been on lasix for a few weeks. This helps remove the fluids, but her heart is pressing on her esophagus. This makes it hard to eat and hard to drink. In past days it seems even harder. She is losing weight from not eating enough. I can't see force feeding her when all that does is stress her out and stress her heart more. So here I sit and worry. Worry; is she eating? Is she drinking? Is she comfortable? Is she hurting? I look in her eyes and question, do I still see a light or has it grown dim and I just don't want see that, because I don't want to do what she is asking......help her to cross. What if I send her off too soon? What if I should have helped her sooner? I hate this part, if I wish it to be over, then I feel guilt because I think I'm wishing her dead......and if she still wants to be here to collect more hugs and kisses before her journey........then I want to give her that love to carry her over. I hate the confusion....the tears....the sadness.....I hate to think of my life without this furry, fuzzy little creature in it. I guess all I can do is what I have always done..........ride the emotional ups and downs and pack her bags as full of hugs and kisses until she tells me its time to go.
