Baggage

Oh yes we all have it............................

Having more free time on my hands now I thought a lot about the baggage we bring into a relationship.

When I entered my last relationship, I knew what I was taking into it. BC was the first person I dated since Pete died. He knew it as well. I never compared the relationships and I never compared the people involved.

When I started to notice the relationship falling apart, I wondered if maybe I hadn't gotten over Pete, had I sabotaged the relationship with memories of him? When BC turned and walked away, I wondered this even more. What I realized, was I miss Pete, that will never change. He helped raise my son, he lived with me, he was my best friend. I always referred to Pete and Peter as my heart and soul, because each held half my heart and half my soul. And while my heart and soul still grieve his loss, it has not been wishing he were here to carry on where we left off. I do know, and have known that I must continue without him. I accepted this long ago.
What I can look back and see is that when the relationship with BC started going south, I longed for someone to be in my life who wanted to share my every moment. How could I not think back and think of Pete....but..... I also thought about Mel.... that first love..... you know the first person you ever fall in love with....... it dawned on me that when relationships start to fail we always look back at the ones that seemed the most perfect. So it would seem that sometimes our fond and heart felt memories can also be baggage. I don't necessarily see this as bad.... past relationships teach us lessons...... how to trust....... how to cooperate and compromise .......how to love.
When BC left, I did not immediately wish that Pete was back. (This truly told me I had moved on with life in the living world.) What I wished, was that if only BC could have gotten past his baggage and allowed me to be something important in his life. He was fun, he made me laugh, he brought me back from the depths of darkness that I had gotten lost in.

In the words of one so dear to me....... "And so it goes...................."