Belief and Faith

We grow up being taught that there is a heaven and a hell. We hope that we live a good enough life to go to heaven. We are also taught that we will meet up with those that we love when it is our turn to cross over. If you read books about the after life we find that our loved ones are waiting for us on the other side to show us the way. John Edwards talks to those that have passed. I was raised with these beliefs and never questioned that it was any other way. I have lost friends and relatives and often have found myself talking to one or the other at times. So why do I now question these beliefs? Is it because someone, so close to me, has passed on? Or is it that I am not doubting what I was taught, but that I want them to hold true more than ever?
And on another note, when we go to heaven....do we go looking like we are at the time of our death, or do we get to choose to be our younger selves. Could it be that we are simply that whispy spirit but we can recognize others just from their prescence?