PA Trip

So I am back from PA. I have mixed emotions about the trip. Marge and Gordy were the best of hosts. I greatly enjoyed their company. It rained at least half the time I was there so we really didn’t get to do much and spent a lot of time loafing in front of the tv. When the sun was shining it was beautiful outside. No humidity, at least for us Floridians, a gentle breeze and just perfect so that shorts and t-shirts were appropriate with no sweat temperatures. The evenings would dip a bit cooler and almost required a light jacket. The first day of sun Marge took me to Pete’s grave….. I miss not having a place to go…. Then we went and visited Pete’s mom. That was rather depressing as she offered Marge and me a group of photos to go through and to take what we wanted. The rest would be burned. The were all photos of Pete and/or Joaquin, his dad, who had past 2 years earlier, almost to the day.. She is trying so hard to forget… and it seems her way to forget is to almost wipe out their existence. I guess we each deal with death in our own way, but I would think her way would make it hurt more because while photos and objects can be removed and wiped out, the memories can’t be erased. I choose to do the opposite. I have photos and personal belongings of his all over, and maybe this also prolongs the pain, because of the daily reminder, but I find comfort knowing that someone like Pete was in my life…. Someone who made a difference in my, and in Peter’s life.
On Tuesday I went to Westminster College where Pete went to school. The campus is small, quaint, and peaceful. It is made up of small…old stone and brick buildings. Marge also took to Slippery Rock, where she went to college. It is also made up of older buildings which have such charm and history about them.
Wednesday and Thursday continued to rain and I just hung out…watching tv, reading and surfing the internet, and had many a long conversations with Margie. Friday finally afforded me some sun and beautiful weather so I gave Marge and Gordy a break to have some time off from my presence and went back to the cemetery and sat with Pete and read a book. I found peace and tranquility in this, like I had never felt before. I wish that feeling could hang around all the time. After about 3 hours I said my goodbyes to Pete, although strange I would do that as I talk to him everyday, and I went and spent the rest of the day with Pete’s mom. Things were a little better this trip over there. We talked about the past and what I hoped to see for Peter….. we went out to dinner and drove around to where her new condo was being built. She wanted to see the progress of it. She has decided to sell her house and to move into something more manageable. She had started to do this before Pete had passed away. He had taken her around to look at several places and they had decided this particular place was the best for her. It is close to shopping and the condos are 55 and over so she will have a shuttle van to take her places. After that we went back to her house and watched tv and talked some more. Saturday evening I flew home.
Today I am left with a huge sense of loss…… as if everything happened yesterday. I realize that I still look in to peoples faces hoping it will be Pete’s, hoping that he is still alive and this has all been a mistake, that happier days will reign again and that I will no longer feel this emptiness. My head knows the truth but my heart still hopes.

…..and being back to the reality of the real world sucks……… when’s my next vacation?