So to fill in any holes....... my mother and father have been in divorce court for 15 years......yes 15 years. My dad was paying alimony and child support like a good boy and when my sister and brother went to college he paid for that. Eventually all the kids were gone and he retired to a quiet life with his new wife in the hills of VA. When he retired he no longer wanted to pay alimony as the only income he had was his pension, which my mother got half of, and his social security check. My mother wanted to continue getting money so off to court they went, where they have battled it out for the last 15 years. Recently my father was thrown in jail for failure to pay alimony as he had been given a year to come up with a reasonable settlement. He made many offers and it seems none of them reached my mother, as her lawyer didn't think they were adequate. Well he eventually got a letter to report to jail, which he did. I learned of it 3 days after he went in, by a letter he mailed out to all his children.
Us kids have always stayed out of it and for the most part they kept us out of it..... but this I couldn't. So I talked to my dads wife to find out what had been offered and went to my mother....after several back and forths, they came to an agreement and we let the lawyers fill out the legal documents so that this could come to an end. Great....Mom got her settlement and a small monthly alimony and dad got his get out of jail card. You would think this to be the end of it right? NOT! I was sent some legal paper work for her to sign so that the case would be closed in FL as well. She got really pissed. She didn't like the fact that he was making it so she could not come back on him in future years. She particularly didn't like that clause that said she could not take him back to court for any further monies unless he stopped paying. I told her that if she signed the Va papers what was the problem with signing the Fl papers....her response was... "What if I get wiped out by a hurricane?"
Me: "Its not his responsibility"
Mother: " So what am I supposed to do?"
Me: "Thats what insurance is for and your other family members"
Mother: "He owes me. We were married"
Me "Were is the opprative word"
Mother: "And what about you?"
Me: "We'll if your wiped out by a hurricane, more than likely I will too. After all I only live
5 miles down the road. I am sure we would share a temp home untill all was fixed,
well, as long as you can deal with a teenager."
Mother: "Well thats all was your fault!"
( And that is a whole other story!)
So when does one person stop owing another person everything?
Why can't people drop the bitterness and move on with their own life?
Don't they realize that if they do, they will be happier? Dwelling on the crap that happened in the past only drags you down.
And why are some people so vindictive? Does it go back to their bitterness?
Friday, October 21, 2005
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3 comments:
Jesus. My parents went through a nasty divorce when I was 8--a knockdown fight over who would get the kids.
Ego, ego, ego. It's such a nasty thing, so destructive. Sorry you (still) have to go through all this.
Well..... I only get mildly annoyed with her......I understand her anger. What her life is and what she expected it to be are very different. Her life has always been scheduled, structured and planned. (More so since her stroke.) Change does not suit her. Him leaving her was a massive and unexpected event and has thrown her into a "place" she can't seem to leave. I blame a lot of her intensified inability to cope, on her medical state. There was a time when my mother and I were best friends. When she gets in one of these ""mean streaks" (that can last for weeks)I just put on another layer of thick skin. She will eventually come around..... maybe.......
One would think that after 15 years she would get on with her life. Be happy, find someone new to love. Life is to short to live bitter.
It's unfortunate that some people can't get past the hurt and anger then go onto love again.
Your Mom is really the one loosing out and she's making your Dad pay for the fact that she doesn't want to move on with her life. And she's venting her frustrations out on you and your siblings. By venting, she's abandoning you and she's pushing you towards him - oh what Freud would say about this :)
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