My Son Is Growing Up

I read my sons My Space today.... He made me cry... I saw something new in him.... maturity, growth and the young man that Pete and I worked so hard to shape.

From Peters Blog:
..............................another thing i feel i should share...
something that has been a pretty touchy subject to me...
Pete's death...
for those of you who dont know...ill brush ya up...
Pete was my moms b/f for the longest time...he was pretty much the one who took over as my father...yet i was too young and rotten to realise he was only there to care...and help guide and mold me into on day becoming a productive member of society....some of the things i said i wish to this day i had not ever said...things i should have told him before he passed that i wish i could have said:
i love you.
your pretty much the one who cared.
i see your trying to care
you acted as if you were my father
you helped me grow
you molded me
and most of all...you made my mom happy.

i could never ever see any of those things till after he passed
for the longest of times i felt that me being so rotten...such a little dick to him, that drove him out of our house....and out of our lives.he moved out...and passed due to negligence of his own...i felt i was the reason he moved...
to see my mom in the shape she was in...it hit home hard...
and i never told anyone that i pretty much held myself accountable for what had happened.
it was just the other day of talking to my mom that i finally came to the conclusion that this was at no point my fault....and its a burden released...countless night id cry myself to sleep hating myself for what i had done...and its done with now.

Im setting my life straight as he had done...im doing the things he would have done...finishing where his life had left off...
he wanted a sportbike for the longest of times...
now i have one...
he had finished up all his schooling and was on his way to a career of being a fire/paramedic
im now on that path working at sunstar and getting ready for school.
i know he is looking down on me with a big smile finally seeing his mold come into play...the young child that he started off with to a man who is becoming his own now.
if he could read this...up and down i would apologise and tell him i love him and that im thankful for what he has done...

Raising Peter was never easy. He had so many emotional issues to deal with, his dads abuse on me, promises never kept by his dad, alcoholism, and being abandoned by his father. There were times I wanted to give up.... but by giving up I was being defeated by his father and I was letting Peter down. I would do neither. Even in recent years I worried he would not make anything of himself, that he would wait for things to come to him and they never would. He has searched out a new job, been persistent and gotten it. He will be starting with Sunstar and is starting to show determination about school. Seeing this turn around is like watching a caterpillar emerge from its cocoon as a butterfly.

I know Pete is smiling............................