In Retrospect.... an Anchor Around His Neck

How often do you look at your past relationships and wonder why it didn’t work out?

Every now and then I look back, not out of sadness or regrets, but for future reference.

Lately I see more than just “You got another ferret?!!”as being the reason for the last break up. Yes I still talk to the ex BF on occasion…………why you ask? I can’t say I really have an answer…. Are we really friends? ….. Is it a last string that can’t be let go of? …. Do I see being invited to do anything, go somewhere? ….. Probably not… But that would be another topic to delve into in the future. What I do see is that I was probably a leash…. A chain around his neck…. A weight, an anchor. His motorcycle was the road to freedom……. A road to be with the guys. It would seem, that with me around he couldn’t do those things guys like to do when they have a bike. Weekends riding a bike with the guys….. Bar hopping….. Road trips….. Adventure on the highway……. Kinda hard to do with a chic around. What probably made is worse was that we were an hour away from each other so weekends were our only time together. I see it now…….. decision…..make GF mad- go with the guys vs see GF-she won’t be mad-but not as much fun. I guess the GF can only win out for so long before it turns into some resentment. What could ever give me this impression? Well if he isn’t telling me about the place work sent him, then it’s a story of where he went with the guys…… On their bikes………. And what band they saw …..Or what scenery there was. Whats the future plans…… Trips up north….More of the guys…. More concerts. Am I bitter about this??? No……..not really. He deserves some fun in the sun. He doted on a special needs son for 16 years and I would say he is due the playtime…..but one day he will realize that the chrome and metal of the Harley doesn’t keep him warm at night ;)