Wishes, Gifts and Guilt

I was shredding some old bills of Pete's last night and I came across the credit card bills where he had charged some of the jewelry he had bought me 4 and 5 Christmases ago. I felt guilty. One Christmas he had bought me saphire/diamond earings and matching pendant and spent $257.00 on the set and the year after he bought me pearl and diamond earings and spent $225.00. I loved both gifts when he gave them to me and still love them today. What do I feel guilty about?? I knew at the time he was in some tough times money wise but did not realize how bad until another year later. The credit card bills I have been shredding from back then have reminded me and shown me just how bad off he was back then. For the first time I have really put 2 and 2 together and realized how much he wanted to make me happy, despite the fact he had little money, he put himself further into debt to buy me something he knew I would love. He knew I had a weakness for sparkley things.......he also knew that I am not materialistic and he could have made me happy with a $10.00 stuffed toy or $7.00 over sized coffee mug for my iced coffees.................. but despite his debt he chose the expensive gift. I know many would say that he was dumb for doing that, but it makes me understand how much he loved me. He never stopped thinking about me, and I see it more and more as I look at the big things he did for me........and moreso in the little day to day things. Hindsight is 20/20 and I wish I could have seen this all back then. I wish I had been more attentive.............I wish, I wish, I wish.........