The Perfect Holiday

So with the holidays upon us, I have been contemplating those past and present. I was trying to remember the one I would have labeled as the best. I realized that in most cases each one had certain elements that made it special. I wish I could combine all of those special ingredients to make the holiday season once again my favorite time of year. Here is what my recipe would have in it:

Fresh fallen snow
Cool crisp air
The excitement you felt as a child
The magic (ie believing in flying reindeer)
The smell of apple pie, sugar and cinnamon
Crackling fire
The smell of pine from the Christmas Tree
Holiday music
Friends
Brothers
Sister
Mom and Dad
Sons
Daughters
aunts
Uncles
Cousins
Grandparents
And whatever other extended family you can find.....
Laughter
Conversation
Scenery: Massachusetts / Woods / Family Estate /Warm house
Food, food and more food
Colored lights
The joy you felt opening the present you just had to have more than anything.
No cares
No worries
Love
Jingling sleighbells
A sleigh ride
Contentment and peace

Take a Moment

I went to one of my favorite reads this evening, expecting the usual light heartedness, only to be saddened. Instead I find myself contemplating and praying for safe returns.
Tyler

Posing A Question

For several days I have had one question running through my head and so I put the question forth.................................

What makes your friends, your friends?

A Nothing Kind Of Day

Wow. Today I did something I haven't done in ages. Nothing. I did absolutely nothing. I spent Saturday doing all my yard work and house cleaning. I mowed the lawn, laid some patio stones, swept the decks, vacuumed, did the dishes, and cleaned the bathroom. And today I got out of bed....moved to the couch, watched tv, then 3 movies. I finally changed my clothes to go out and meet Fred for some drinks at 8......... It was kinda cool.

Completed

So here is the finished product. It took about 4 hours to set the tiles and then we let it set overnight. It took another 2 hours to grout and clean.I set the center and the two candle holders and then pretty much let Peter do "his thing" andthen I followed up with all the filling in.

Revelation

When Pete died I asked...
"What did I do so horrible to deserve this?"
And I continue to ask this everytime I have a bad day of coping, until now. What I realize is that Pete's death did not happen to punish me..................... but to reward him. My pain is just an unfortunate side affect.

Project

Ya I know photos are coming......... It took me most of Sunday to finish it and I didn't get it grouted until tonight.... pictures coming soon.....

Outdoor Counter

Here is my latest project. Back, 5 years ago, when I bought my house I had to rebuild the deck. The previous owners had built the 16X10 deck but they had only put one center support and used untreated wood. It was pretty nasty and you didn't dare walk on it in your bare feet. I had built this counter, I can store the grill under it from the other side, and experimented with the top of it. I had tiled it with bits of beach glass, old tiles from the bathroom, and other neat things that had color to them. Well after about 4 and a half years it is falling apart.....just the top........so I am redoing it. I studied what was wrong with it and will correct those mistakes.

I had only one support running lengthwise and the weight of the tile and grout really calls for 2.

Use more tile and objects this time and less grout.

Secure the wood sides with more screws this time....then it won't be able to warp.

Use a sealant over the treated plywood anyways.

I completed everything today but the decorating........I'll post pictures tomorrow after that is done. Till then.......happy projects!

PS....yes the rabbit cage in the background is on my list of "To Dos" Its getting removed.

Playtime

I came home from work tonight, put my things down, let the ferrets out of the cage and walked into my room to change my clothes. I could hear them dooking, and chasing each other through their tubes, and then I realized the house got strangely quiet. I had a quick panic, thinking maybe the back door hadn't closed all the way and that the children had scattered to the outside world. I ran to the back door and upon entering my kitchen found that my ferrets discovered several bags of packing peanuts while I was in my room reading emails. I am sure it was Tauvi who found them first and instigated the field of white. I sat down on the floor and watched while the six of them scooted through the peanuts, pushing them and then hopping wildly through them taking delight in the way they scattered. The static would build up in peanuts and they would stick to the ferrets coats. They little fuzzbutts would get excited as the little white monsters stuck to them. Such amusement. It only goes to prove if observe what goes on around us, we can find entertainment without turning on the TV.

Bad Children / Angry Mother

From the Associated Press
First 3rd of the article

From its beginnings, New Orleans has viewed the surrounding wetlands and Mississippi River as the logical places for its waste. In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, the city again is turning to the swamp.
East of the city's residential neighborhoods lies a large tract of swamp land that has been turned into an industrial corridor. Even before Katrina it was besmirched with scrap metal and used parts yards, rust-colored streams and dead cypress trees.
Making matters worse, environmentalists warn, is that the mounds of debris from Katrina also are winding up here.
Already, illegal dumping goes on in plain sight. On one road, a pile of paint cans, telephone poles, biological hazard bags and insulation reaches several feet high. Some of it has been pushed into the swamp next to the road.

Hmmmmmm ..................................

We build cities on lands that were meant to be under water.
We build levees to hold back water.
We run pumps to keep water out.
We buildland fills and dump everything in them with no regard for what it will do.
We dump trash randomly into swamps and wetlands,because we don't know what else to do with it
We feel we own the land and earth we occupy.

No wonder mother nature has been so angry.

Looking For Handouts

I don't get it................
If you were to come into my house during hurricane season you could look around and find the pretty close to the following items.
5 flashlights
10 candles that will burn for 7-10 hours each
2 lighters
6 gallons of water
6 pitchers that will hold a gallon of water
1 full ice bin with an ice chest ready to hold 12 gallons worth of ice.
3 non electric can openers
1 full tank of propane for the grill
1 mini canister of propane for a portable grill
28 cans of soup, pasta, chilli, and meats
10 cans of fruit
5 bottles of soda
2 weeks worth of cat food ( for the cats and ferrets of course)

Now I figure if a hurricane hits and I don't need to evacuate....this should get me, my son, and the critters through at least 2 weeks. By then, hopefully, there will be access to food and water elsewhere, or I have the opportunity to get out of Dodge. Its not that hard to plan, and its not that hard to keep those supplies around. If a hurricane hits, I have to be prepared to take care of myself and my family. It is my responsibility. I figure if the electricity goes out, then we start on the food in the fridge first......cook it on the grill and eat away. Next is the freezer since that will actually keep for a few days, then the canned food. Some things will actually require some prepping........ like making ice, filling the water pitchers etc, but its not like you don't get enough warning these days. The forecasts are reasonably accurate, sometimes to my amazement. Now if I am told to evacuate.......I am boarding up my windows (plywood is stored) packing up the afore mentioned supplies, irreplaceable mementos, important papers, the kid and the critters and heading out........way out......... Possibly to my brothers in SC or to my fathers in VA.

So why is it that so many people don't prepare and figure they will wait for government handouts, such as food, water and ice? 2 days after the hurricane and people are whining because they have to wait hours and hours in line for the basics..... did they not prepare? Did they not read the paper, see the television, or listen to the radio? All which were saying a hurricane was coming and for how many days did Florida painstakingly wait for it to turn from Mexico and come this way? Hellooooooooo??? Why did all these people in South Florida have less than a 2 day supply of provisions? What if the storm had been as bad as Katrina and made the roads impassable. What if the relief trucks couldn't get through for a week or more? What would these people have done? Most importantly, when did it become the governments responsibility to bail us out.? I always though it was help and relief that the government provided..... not support. Can you imagine these people living in Guatemala? Americans are becoming soft and losing their self sufficiency. Whatever happened to taking care of yourself. I guess that went out with the days of being responsible for your own actions.

I guess that those of us that find strength in ourselves, think for ourselves and take care of ourselves are a rare breed.

Little Thief

The cat food that we leave outside for mittens has been disappearing rather quickly. I thought another cat was eating the food so we started putting the food out only when Mittens showed up. With the cooler weather I had left the front door open and was letting the breeze come through the screen door. Last night as I sat in the living room watching TV, I heard some noises outside on the porch. I had fed Mittens about 30 minutes earlier and I knew there was a little bit of food left. I got up to see the culprit and what I found outside was the above critter. Peter has named him Awesome Possum.

Cool Nights

Wow Hurricane Wilma slams through and leaves us with cool temperatures. My AC is off and the windows are open. Ahhhhhhhhhhh fresh air to clean out the staleness of the house. The ferrets and the cats can't get enough of it.

When Does It End?

So to fill in any holes....... my mother and father have been in divorce court for 15 years......yes 15 years. My dad was paying alimony and child support like a good boy and when my sister and brother went to college he paid for that. Eventually all the kids were gone and he retired to a quiet life with his new wife in the hills of VA. When he retired he no longer wanted to pay alimony as the only income he had was his pension, which my mother got half of, and his social security check. My mother wanted to continue getting money so off to court they went, where they have battled it out for the last 15 years. Recently my father was thrown in jail for failure to pay alimony as he had been given a year to come up with a reasonable settlement. He made many offers and it seems none of them reached my mother, as her lawyer didn't think they were adequate. Well he eventually got a letter to report to jail, which he did. I learned of it 3 days after he went in, by a letter he mailed out to all his children.
Us kids have always stayed out of it and for the most part they kept us out of it..... but this I couldn't. So I talked to my dads wife to find out what had been offered and went to my mother....after several back and forths, they came to an agreement and we let the lawyers fill out the legal documents so that this could come to an end. Great....Mom got her settlement and a small monthly alimony and dad got his get out of jail card. You would think this to be the end of it right? NOT! I was sent some legal paper work for her to sign so that the case would be closed in FL as well. She got really pissed. She didn't like the fact that he was making it so she could not come back on him in future years. She particularly didn't like that clause that said she could not take him back to court for any further monies unless he stopped paying. I told her that if she signed the Va papers what was the problem with signing the Fl papers....her response was... "What if I get wiped out by a hurricane?"
Me: "Its not his responsibility"
Mother: " So what am I supposed to do?"
Me: "Thats what insurance is for and your other family members"
Mother: "He owes me. We were married"
Me "Were is the opprative word"
Mother: "And what about you?"
Me: "We'll if your wiped out by a hurricane, more than likely I will too. After all I only live
5 miles down the road. I am sure we would share a temp home untill all was fixed,
well, as long as you can deal with a teenager."
Mother: "Well thats all was your fault!"

( And that is a whole other story!)

So when does one person stop owing another person everything?

Why can't people drop the bitterness and move on with their own life?

Don't they realize that if they do, they will be happier? Dwelling on the crap that happened in the past only drags you down.

And why are some people so vindictive? Does it go back to their bitterness?

Ugh!

Oh yipeeeeee.......another hurricane on its way. I need to move.

Quick Quip

Geeeeeez!!! My kid is such a baby when he doesn't feel well. He whines more than Inglenook. I can't stand being around him when he is like this.

Sundown

I have been thinking a lot about sunsets...........
I would guess that it is because I now only work a short distance from a beach. I have pondered many times making a right turn toward the coast, but instead, everytime I get to that specific traffic light, I chicken out and go home. I still, just can't seem to do it. Ya know whats really silly? I haven't been able to watch Stargate. Pete introduced me to that show and we watched it together, every Friday....... The things we do to oursleves because of memories....................

Karma

I had to laugh at my son.

Tonight we were watching tv and a show came on called "Earl". Now if you haven't seen it or its previews, it about a guy who noticed that everytime something good happened to him, it was followed by something bad......really bad. He figures it is due to the fact that he did a lot of really shitty things to people through his entire life, so he figures in order to get good, without the bad, he give back to all those he took from. Sounds like karma to me.... you reap what you sew, you get what you give, what goes around comes around, and so forth. I have always been a firm believer in this. I always tell Peter to let things go when he wants revenge ...like when his car got egged. I tell him that in due time those responsible will get payback and to just let it go.....he tells me he is tired of my preaching and he is tired of hearing about karma.

My point????

He liked the show and watched 4 episodes with me..................

A Question Asked

I have a bumpersticker on my truck that reads: My "heart" belongs to a fireman. An aquaintance that I ran into Saturday said, "Your gonna scrape that bumber sticker off, aren't you?" I remember looking at the bumper sticker and then looking at her..... I said, "No...... he still has it." It was just what naturally came out of my mouth, and what was the truth. For the rest of the weekend I thought about Pete.
I called his old cell #.
A photographer has it now.
I called his house #.
It is in use.
Neither had been removed from cell phone. I can't bare to take them out. I thought, how can the world go on, when mine has stopped? Now, I do realize that the world does not revolve around me but this personal crisis, at times, still knocks me to my knees, and it seems that everyone should notice. Selfish, I know, but this is the biggest crisis and most painful that I have ever been through.

Sometimes I wonder why my friends still bother with me when I get into these moods. I know they don't understand, and I know they probably thinks to themselves....its time to get over it, but it just isn't that easy. I guess that is what makes them my friends.

I know I am trying to redefine who I am. Its not easy.

So while my world is frozen in time.....the rest of life moves on........ wouldn't it be weird if I came out of my coma in 2020....................................

Hockey At Last!

Ahhhhhhhhhh the sound of skates cutting ice, the slap of a stick on a puck, and the grunt of men as they pound into each other...........

I went to a preseason hockey game with Fred and Peter last night. When I walked into the Ice Palace it was like returning home. While the game was not that exciting, after all the new players are still being tested, while tried and true sit the bench, it was great to watch. I sure hope Burke steps it up a notch on his goaltending. It was a let down when Khabi didn't resign with the lightning, but I think Grahame wants to prove something and he was great as backup last playing season, so we can hopefully remain stong in the goal.

We hung out at Shots (an outside bar at the Palace) after the game and rubble rubble, the booze burgler was back as well. He must have had a dry season last year. Not having hockey really must have cut into his drinking habit. We all chuckled as he made his rounds.