So I sit here and ponder my life lately and can't help but wonder if the man upstairs is getting a chuckle as I go through the dance steps of trying to live a happy life. Sound bitter, well maybe a little, after all I have lived some years of bliss where everything seemed so near perfect. Was I taking it all for granted? I don't think so.......I remember many prayers of thanks, many days of looking at what I had and thinking things were good and I finally had things right. My own home, a good man by my side, a job I loved and a son that was finding his way and turning into a productive adult. I was content. I was happy. Life was serene and good. I always wondered when the shoe would drop. Maybe thats why it did, because I was waiting for it........
So one day I wake up and see my job bought out by a corporate giant, and things slide down hill, lay offs are around every corner, no job security, then the little things hit.....the car gets wrecked, then medium things hit.....pets die, issues with the kid, and then the grande finale!..........Pete dies. Every thing just went to shit! For 18 months I sat in a big pile of shit! Shit everywhere I looked! As much as my friends tried, they couldn't help lift me out. This was something I had to do on my own.......so I did. I climbed over the loss of the pets, the car and got my son back on track.......I found a new job, which I liked and enjoyed........finally let go of Pete and let a new person in my life. So things should be back to bliss right? No.......once again the job has started to quickly go down hill and I can't help but wonder what is to follow......this road looks familiar and I need to get off it before anything else happens.
Scared?
Nervous?
Worried?
Paranoid?
Yes to all of the above. So if someone knows where the exit ramp is, please let me know I would gladly like to choose another route.......one that will take me back to the happy days.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
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2 comments:
Usually, the exit ramp sits right beside an on ramp.
Your Life is your reward for how you've lived it. You were well rewarded in Life. Pete's death was an accident and had nothing to do with you or the road you were on. But, it did spin you into the ditch for a while. Listen, the sudden death of a loved one spins ANYONE off into a ditch; I've been there myself. But, it's up to you to decide how long you want to sit in the ditch watching life go by. And it's up to you to decide whether you are going to let someone force you off your happy highway.
My advice (and I know you haven't asked for it; rather bad manners of me) is to keep your foot on the hammer, move over to the passing lane and gas on it. Turn up the tunes, roll down the windows, open the sun roof, let your hair blow and sing your ass off all the way to the end of the highway.
Either that, or pull over and let someone else drive!
Love ya!
beachcrawler...
I admire your honesty and willingness to put yourself out there with S. She needed to hear that and I agree with you 100%.
Pete was a near and dear friend of mine. I knew him longer than I've known my husband. He would agree with everything you are saying - he would even mix the tunes for the ride and sing right along with ya :)
S, speed that car up, it's time... Don't let the past get you down. Look to the future and all that it has to offer you. Living in the past never solved anyones problems, only prolonged them.
Life is to short for you not to be happy. As my wise and wonderful husband likes to say, "stop and smell the roses." When I was younger, I never really knew what he meant. I do now, with the loss of a dear friend, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't take a moment to appreciate all that I have and those people that are in my life - you included.
So JUST DO IT!!!
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