Change and Morals

Back, a considerable time ago, in between the time I was making the decision to leave my husnband and his abusive ways, and before Pete, I was in need of a no strings attached relationship. I needed someone to tell me I was wanted and someone who could convince me I had some self worth. "A" was this person. Everything was impromptu and no phone calls between us. Both of us were married and both needed something we weren't finding at home. For me I needed to feel I had value, that I was interesting, and that someone could still see me as more than a personal belonging. The "no strings" was what was right for the relationship. We both had issues to deal with at home. No string meant neither of us was looking for a lasting relationship, but both of us were looking for something to spark the inner spirit that had died. It lasted about 7 months...... and it seemed we had both found our inner peace at about the same time. He decided things were worth working on at home and I had known Pete but we were starting to become interested in being more than friends.
"A" was that rebound relationship that allowed me to share everything I was with Pete. "A" was the one who taught me that being myself was ok and that anyone not liking me for who and what I was, was not worth my time. He brought happiness into my life that was saddly lacking and helped me find my self worth. Everything was always "right" with him. Everthing was always good.
I sat on my couch a week ago and realized it had been many months since we talked. It seemed that when ever one of us was blue, we would end up calling the other.........on occassions we had run into each other. It seems there would always be a strong bond there. So, last time I had talked to him, Pete was alive and "A" was split from his wife.......... So I thought I would give him a call to see how he was getting on. We talked for about 20 minutes and I finally asked if he had again worked things out. He said he was back living in the house and they were working on things. I was happy for him. He has a wonderful family. With that I realized I had made the call looking for more. I was looking for something open in the public eye, yet with no strings....... knowing this was not possible, I found a way to wind the coversation down and end the call. He means a lot to me, but the occasional conversation and run in will have to be all there is.